LoveToKnow Recovery:AllComments

From LoveToKnow Recovery

Comments

RR,

You can't change your friend. You can only change yourself. If you don't want him in your life anymore, you need to tell him that and make it stick. A counselor can help you to establish boundaries in your personal relationships.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Joe,

When you are ready to get help, see your doctor to ask for a referral to a therapist.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Ari,

I don't think that any of the articles we have posted here at LTK brand a person as being "bad" if they are a compulsive liar. You are not your behavior. It sounds like you are working hard to change and that can be a difficult process. Some people in your life may move away from you because of it.

If your psychologist hasn't been able to be supportive in the process, then it's time to find another one.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Franciela,

A person who has been molested will likely have some issues around self-esteem, intimacy and trust. It may be part of the reason why you lie, as opposed to an excuse. I would suggest that you see your doctor to ask for a referral to a therapist who can help you sort things out and learn different behavior patterns.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I am a compulsive liar. I don't lie to get ahead. I dont lie to make myself better in someone's eyes. I did a big step in realising what I'm doing and how badly it's affecting my life. But I don't consider myself a bad person, as ALL the websites and all the articles make us seem. I believe in good and often time I lie to make someone happy, and not myself. I realise to what extent this is a vicious circle and it keeps on coming back to me and I end up being along because of my lies. And it hurts, because bottom line, I just want to be loved. People describe us as manipulators and s..., and as funny as it seems, when I finaly admited that I am a compulsive liar, I needed people to believe in me, to help me becaome a better person. And nobody was ever there. Not even my psychologist. They labelled me as a liar and I will always remain one. Lying is as hard to quit as quiting smoking. It's a habit. NOw that I've lost everything and everyone, when I needed love the most, I began losing trust in people. My husband said he will always love me. Now that for the first time I'm being honest with myself and others, I'm losing him. I went ahead and told the truth to everyone. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And because I spoke the truth I'm losing my loved ones. I will not change, because I already have. Except that this time I'm alone and no one is supporting me in the biggest challenge of my life. It doesn't matter. I am strong enough, and you know what? Everything put aside, I am finaly happy to be in my own skin.

-- Contributed by: ari

Hi i was wondering how i go about getting help for lieing, who can point me the right direction, been doing this for way to long and need help?

-- Contributed by: Joe

O GOD, I THINK I MIGHT BE A BIG LIAR. NO LET ME TAKE THAT BACK I AM... I LIE FOR THE SMALLEST THING, IM 19 LIVING AT HOME WITH MY PEARENTS AND GOING TO SCHOOL, I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BOY/MAN THAT I LOVED A LOT. I CHEATED ON HIM COUNTLESS TIMES. WITH OTHER MEN. I... LIED MY WAY INTO HIS LIFE, HE WAS SUCH A GOOD GUY I STILL LOVE HIM. IM FEEL BAD, I HAVE ALIANATED MY SELF FROM EVERYONE I LOVE, MY MOM, STEP-DAD WONT BELIEVE A WORD THAT COMES OUT OF MY MOUTH. I LIE ABOUT THE LITTLE INSIGNIFICANT THINGS I DONT KNOW WHY... IM FRUSTRUATED WITH MY SELF. WHY DO I LIE IS IT BC I HAD A ROUGH CHILDHOOD? I WAS SEXUALLY MOLESTED, FOR ABT 2 MAYBE 3 YEARS?? DONT REALLY REMEMBER... THOSE WERE MEMORIES THAT DIDNT SURFACE UNTILL NOT TO LONG AGO.. I WAS DEVISTADED WHEN I REMEMBERED.. ALL THE HORRIBLE STUFF THAT WAS DONE TO ME... BUT WAIT. THAT CANT BE MY EXCUSE.?? IM I MAKING EXCUSES UP??? IDK.. I JUST WANT TO STOP LYING FOR EVERY LITTLE INSIGNIFICANT DETAIL.... I WANT TO BE SOMEONE THAT CAN HAVE A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT GET BORED OF A GUY AND HAVE TO GO OUT AND LOOK FOR A THRILL...

-- Contributed by: FRANCIELA.

I have a friend (not sure if I want to call him that anymore)that lies and lies and lies and I am to the end of my wits with it. Two and a half years ago and old friend came back from Colorado to California, he was fine in the beginning. He supposely fell in love, but I was commited to pursing a carrer, going to school, and in another relationship with my sons father and told him no. This man slowly pushed his way in to my life, decieving me and others with one lie and game after another. He interfered with my school and my family all in the name of love. He stalked me, lied to me and never stops for anything. He insists he loves me everyday and that is the problem! He has admitted to being obsessed and claims that is why he behaves the way he does. but in the past year I have realized the man is a endless liar. It started with little things like him lying about not having his blood pressure pills to make me feel sorry for him (I found out he did have some)then I started discovering more lies and more lies;swareing he was paying rent when he wasn't,going to doctor appointments when he didn't, lie after lie started appearing - totally making me angry. He blamed them on his love for me and needs to see me. Then I find out he has other girl friends and he is lying to them too - about me and using them to stalk me. Now its lie after lie and crazy stories he makes up to manipulate things he wants. He's driven me crazy and I just want to find a way to heal the huge amount of damage he has caused me, but he won't stop with the lies, pressuring, manipulating stories, and tricks. He has totally destroyed my faith in honesty. He has got caught so many times now and he denys and denys his lies, arguing that they are truth. Its frustrating, irritating and annoying the way he argues and insists he is telling the truth. He sucked me in many times making up new lies and promises not to lie anymore. I have found he lies to women (MANY WOMEN)telling them all that he loves them to get what he wants. When he is caught he denys everything and wants to argue to the death that he is telling the truth. He cries and says he is sorry too. HE SAYS HE WANTS HELP, but It goes around and around in a vishous unhealthy circle. He has recruited and involved a lot of people in his lies and stories. We are all sick and tired of it. He uses people, hurts people and he needs to stop. HELP! Where can he go? What can be done? Also what can I do to heal these deep wounds and learn to learn to deal with liars better. I've had too many lying mates for one lifetime. Help

-- Contributed by: RR

my husband lies compulsivly i think maybe he is a pathalogical because he seems to have no conscience of the effects. he had our house repossed without me knowing then lied to all my family when questioned, he is in huge debt and says he is paying it then i find out he has not made payments. he even lies about tiny things i asked him if he used powdered custard and he swore blind he used a carton even though my 2 kids had seen him he said they were lying. i feel helpless

-- Contributed by: clare cooke my husband is a compulsive liar

Terri,

The decision of whether to confront your brother-in-law is up to you, but before you do so you need to figure out what you are trying to achieve. If you want to encourage him to get help for the lying issue, that is different than just unloading on him. Approach him if you want to, but keep in mind that you may not get the results you are looking for. Unless he is ready to admit that he needs help for the problem, he may not be very receptive.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Hi, my brohterinlaw is a compulsive liar and also a recovering alcoholic and addict. He has been sober for years now but the lying is out of control. He lives in the same town and i feel bad because he and my husband dont even speak anymore because he is so out of sorts. Should we address this issue with him and tell him that this is the reason why we can not be around him? he has even lied at work and this has affected my husband because they are in the same trade,and he tells such crazy stories that my husband can no longer defend him. What should we do? I dont even think he knows how much he lies! His fiance broke up with him last year because of all the lies. help please!

-- Contributed by: terri

Judy,

You have already taken the first step, which is to admit that you have a problem and that you need help. You need to see a therapist; your doctor can refer you to someone.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

hi my name is judy im 21 years old i have a bad lyin problem and im hurting everybody that knows me and i dont know howto help myself. i dnt want to loose everything i have which isnt much. i just want to be norma and healthy and have a honest future with somebody.

-- Contributed by: judy

Michael,

A therapist can help you learn how to change your behavior into a more positive pattern. Your doctor can refer you to someone who can help you. You can also find a list of psychotherapists in your local Yellow Pages.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I need help. I am about to lose everything in my life. I don't know how to go about getting help. I live in Central Illinois. Please help me.

-- Contributed by: Michael

D. Massey,

It can't be inherited, but children do learn how to behave by watching their parents. It's possible the son picked up on this pattern of behavior simply by observation.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have seen it passed on to son whose father has compulsive lying 'can it be inherited ?

-- Contributed by: d.massey85@yahoo.com

GVictoria,

If you are feeling suicidal, you need help NOW. Tell your mother you need to see your doctor or go to the Emergency Room. Let her know that you are ready to get treatment from a therapist for your lying issues, then make sure you keep all of your appointments. Trust can be rebuilt but it's going to take time.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I've lied to my mom so many times that she wont believe anything i say anymore, I really want her to trust me again, I've already tried killing my self but the pills I took didn't work, PLEASEEEE HELP ME HOW CAN I PROVE HER THAT I WANT TO CHANGE

-- Contributed by: GVictoria

Sandy,

You can't undo what has already been done, but you can tell your husband that you are going to get help. Then do it. Contact your doctor for a referral to a therapist with experience in this area.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I HAVE TOLD A LIE & MY HUSBAND HAS FOUND OUT & IS SO UP SET WITH ME HE IS READY TO LEAVE ME , THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME I HAVE LIED TO HIM AND HE KEEPS FORGIVING ME , THIS TIME HE SAYS HE CAN'T , I NEED SOME HELP WITH HIS PROBLEM , HOW CAN I CONVENCE HIM THIS WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN , I AM SO SORRY & FEEL SO BAD WHAT I DID , AND I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT. CAN, YOU PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ANSWERS , THANKS SANDY

-- Contributed by: SANDY WIERSMA

Andrew,

If you are feeling like you want to harm yourself, you need professional help. Please tell your doctor, call a crisis hotline or go to the Emergency Room - now. There are treatment options other than a 12-step program that you can participate in. A 12-step program will offer you support to go through the steps if you are concerned about making amends to people you have hurt, but that is a little further down the road. Right now you need help to deal with those suicidal thoughts. Help is available; all you need to do is ask. It can't make you feel any worse than you already do. Tell someone how you are feeling today.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Get help. We NEED to be in relationship with others...it is how we were created!! And there is no faster way to lose a relationship with anyone...parent, lover, child or friend, than to lose their trust through lying. I have been the "lied to" one and it is near-impossible for that to be healed without help from a professional counselor. That is where we have sought help, and thankfully I can honestly say that after 5 years a near-shattered and impossible relationship is restored.

Don't wait until you have more time, more money or whatever. There is never a better time than where you are. THE PAIN OF THE SAME IS GREATER THAN THE PAIN OF THE CHANGE!!!! It is worth the hard work!!!

-- Contributed by: A.A.H.

I am a gambling addict, narcotics and my latest revelation I can not stop lying. I am so tired of living the way I do and my actions have alienated me from everyone. My girlfriend has asked me to move out and I do not know were to go. It might be strange but I really do love her very much and would never do anything to hurt her BUT I have realised that the lying does. I never lie to gain or benefit from a situation but I can not handle people knowing I can not cope or come through on what they expect from me. This is a vicious circle because my lies actually give those people bigger expectations and I either cause so much chaos trying to meet what I have promised or I let people down. It has become so bad that I have committed fraud to try and meet these expectations and I have been caught out and those situations became more things that I lied and juggled to try sort out. I think I started this behaviour when I was gambling because i had to explain what i was doing and were the money was going all the time. I learnt how to make plans to cover up monies i had lost and replace it by manipulating situations to get cash fast. This created a situation that I made a bigger problem for later than the one I was originally trying to resolve, but my attitude was that I would cross that bridge when I got to it. Problem was the bridges kept getting bigger and longer until i ran out of resources to cross them.

I am at the end of my road and do not want to go on. I have tried to fix myself so many times and when I start I really do want to come right, but soon my habits start creeping in and a year or two down the line I find myself in even a worse situation than I was when I committed to coming right and I end up with some new personality defect that I have to fix.

I am at the point that I dont believe I will ever come right and the best thing for me is to not be part of this world anymore. I dont really want to kill myself but I get these impulses while I am walking along the road to just trip myself infront of a vehicle or slice my wrist with an art knife while I am using it for work. Now that everything is at the point that I can not think of a single person I can go to and my girlfriend who really did love and care for me, is now so sick of my rubbish and although still treating me like a person, making it very clear that she has lost all feelings for me. This is tearing me apart. I need someone that can understand what I am feeling when I do the things I do so that I can understand them. I try to explain by using times in her life that she was in a situation that she had to get out of, but instead of her relating to how I feel, she sees it as an attack on her personality and me trying to make my actions not look so bad. Since I let people know I have a gambling problem, I have spent the rest of my life trying to prove that I am coming right. 15 years later and I am still in the same place and worse. I dont think anyone believes I will come right and that includes me.

People still dont know all the truths and everyone sees me as a useless nothing. I thought maybe I should find God and he would fix me. Problem is that in that lifestyle you have to tell everyone how you lied to them in the past. I cant even face some of the lies I told never mind facing others and telling them. (I have had some really demented ones).

Anyhow, I hope someone will read this and give me some direction. I do not know what to do from here.

-- Contributed by: Andrew

S.B.,

If your lying problem is situational, it may have something to do with your ex. Talking to a counselor may help you to figure out why being truthful with him is difficult for you.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i think i have a problem. it always seems to be with my ex husband. we are trying to work things out but i lie to him all of the time. it doesnt matter what it is. i will lie to him about what i buy at the grocery store or how long i stay at my moms house. it can be something so simple to tell the truth about. im not sure if i have a lying problem or if i am just afraid of him. what do i do?

-- Contributed by: s.b.

MagMan,

The only way your ex will get help is if she wants to. You can try to set up an intervention but everyone needs to be on board with the idea that there will be no more tolerance of her lying at all. If there are no consequences for the behavior, there is no incentive for her to change.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Wow,

You have admitted that you need help, which is the first step. The next one is to get help from a therapist who can guide you through the steps to change your behavior. Your doctor can refer you to someone with experience treating this kind of issue.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Sisofaliar,

I can understand that you are hurt and angry because of choices your brother made. You can't change him, but when he is ready, you can help him find a therapist. Your brother's doctor may be able refer him to someone with experience treating these issues.You can choose to go for counseling to help you deal with your feelings about his behavior, if you think it will help.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

My brother is a compulsive liar and his life is starting to unravel due to it. He just left his wife and 3 children due to the guilt of having multiple affairs during their 12 year marriage and lying on a daily basis. He has also ruined his credit and his wife's. He has a great job, but no money?? He is currently very depressed. I'm so angry with him and yet know he desperately needs help before he hurts himself or others. What should I/we do?

-- Contributed by: sisofaliar

My ex-girlfriend was said to be a compulsive liar, and at first i ignored this fact and gave her a chance. But that thought of her being a liar never left my mind, and when she started saying stuff that just seemed odd than i started thinking about it. This girl said stuff that was so big that you just had to believe her, but with some studying and analyzing i figured out that the stuff she was saying was FALSE!! She broke up with me saying all these lied i did and making the little things seem like big. I have gotten over her, even though it was not easy, and im only doing this comment to find a way to help her out cuz i feel like she really needs help. My question is how do i approach this issue, and should i gather everyone who knows the same info i do and have a huge intervention or something with her??? This person really needs help before it becomes to serious. SHE NEEDS HELP!!!!

-- Contributed by: MagMan

Im a compulsive liar, & I seriously just found out right after I read this...its depressing because I don't wanna do this anymore. My girlfriend, she can't stand it. Everything is perfect between us two but that's the only thing that ruins it. I seriously don't want to do this. Its a stupid habit & it all started when I was young, and I would lie to get me from getting my ass handed to me by my parents & older brothers. My girlfriend knows now when I do it, and i don't care but It kills me when my girlfriend grins at me and tells me she hates me for doing that. Help!

: (

-- Contributed by: wow...

Uhu,

You have some choices here. You can end your friendship with this person. You can choose to continue the relationship and accept her as she is. Or you can continue the relationship and talk to her about the lying issue and encourage her to get some treatment. It's up to you to decide whether it's worth it to you to have this person in your life, despite the fact that she has a problem with lying.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

My ffriend is a compulsive liar. She never tells the truth. She does it to get attention. She has a very wierd home life that I don't know much about and very low self-esteem. I just don't know how I can be friends with her when I can ever trust her.....what can I do?? Please help me, sincerely, Irritated friend.

-- Contributed by: uhu

Megan,

If you're a college student, you should be able to get some counseling services through Student Services or a referral to a therapist who works on a sliding scale. Your health insurance plan may cover some of the cost as well.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I'm 23 years old and for as long as i can remember i have always lied.I a a compulsive liar. It had ruined my relasionship with my boyfriend, he doesn't believe anything that I say, and well I don't blame him. I'm not sure why i lie or what makes me do it, i've done it for so like that it seems to be a normal part of my life. I feel gulity all the time. I know i need help but right now i'm a college student adn really can't afford to seek help by a consulor or therapist. Is there any other way that i can help myself? Please say there is.

-- Contributed by: Megan

im a compulsive liar. i think about it all day every day. i dont know why i do it. i tell myself to stop in my head but still everything i say is always a lie. its ruined my relationship with my whole family. noone in my family talks to me because of my problem. i cant keep friends because i always find a way to hurt them with my lies. i cant keep a relationship with anyone. i dred everyday of my life because of my problem. i need help but i dont have anyone to go to. its runing my life everyday.

-- Contributed by: allisann

Joshua,

You have done the first step, which is to admit that you have a problem and that you need help. Now, you need to find a therapist who can help you learn a new way to behave that doesn't involve lying. Your doctor can refer you to someone with experience treating this kind of issue.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

hi. im suffering with this problem. no matter how hard i try to tell the truth i feel like im hurting the person less with a lye than by telling the truth. im desperate for help on how to deal with this problem. it has has put my marriage on the rocks to the point to where i dont know if i can save it. i really want the help. that way for once i can have a healthy marriage and my wife actually belive what im saying is true. hopefully i can get the help i need before its to late. maybe then my wife can forgive me and truely know i can change. she thinks that i cant and i will never change my ways. that is why its vital that i try fix this problem. i thank you for any help or comments you can give. thank you pfc mckenzie

-- Contributed by: joshua

Help,

The lying may be a symptom of an addiction. The decision to end your marriage is a serious one, and I would suggest that you consult an attorney to get advice about your rights and responsibilities. A counselor can help you decide what decision is right for you.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

My hubby and I are on the verge of devorce because of his lying , He lies about everything, I've had to live with this 7 yrs. now and it's making me crazy'

He knows he has a problem but thinks it's a joke .. + I've tried everything to get him to seek help ..... What should I do.. Leave him?? I feel this marriage is hopeless.. OH and he also steals our savings ,, He has a gambling addiction " I think" It was once gambling.

God only knows what he does with the money he takes for lunch over 100.00 a day...

HELP

-- Contributed by: Help

Marcus,

There is help available. With time, and the help of a therapist, you can learn to change your behavior. I would suggest you start by making an appointment to see your doctor to ask for a referral.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I need help. I can't stop the lies they come out as if it was true. And after my last brake up i really see that i need to stop i loved my EX so much . and i could not see till not how much i really hurt her with my lies .Plez if there is help out there plez let me know

-- Contributed by: Marcus

Carly,

You can get help and learn to behave differently. Please see your doctor and ask for a referral to a therapist.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i am a compulsive liar, i lie to everyone, the ones i love, its like i cant help it, and only think it about it after it has come out of my mouth.

I have recently lost the one i love my partner due to my lieing, i need help and want this curse to go away. please help me.

-- Contributed by: carly

Doug,

You have taken the first and most important step. You have admitted that you need help. The next step is to find a therapist. Your doctor can refer you to someone qualified. Make an appointment to get started with your treatment.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I am a compulsive liar! I hurt the people I love most with this disease! Is there any way that I can get help! What do I have to do to get help! I had tslked it over with my fiance last night and I wanna get help but I dunno who I have to talk to so I can get help!

-- Contributed by: Doug

Tennisace,

I can appreciate that you are frustrated and angry at your brother's actions. You could approach him at a time when you think he would be receptive and tell him that you are concerned about him and that you have noticed that he seems to be doing things to get attention. Then you need to wait for a response. It may be a long time coming, or he may not want to talk about it. If he doesn't, back off and try again at another time. You can't make him get help, but you can steer him in the right direction when he is ready. You could also consider getting some counseling yourself to develop some strategies for dealing with your brother.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

My brother is an additive liar and will never confess to it. In denial. It is his only way to get the attention he feels he was denied which is not true. I think his lack of self-esteem is why he feels he needs to lie. I am sickened by it. I actually can't stand it. Help

-- Contributed by: tennisace

Jane,

Your friend is getting something from lying; otherwise she wouldn't be doing it. It sounds like she may want to get attention or fit in with a group of friends. You could approach her privately and tell her that you like and accept her as she is and that she doesn't have to be anyone other than herself to be your friend.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have a friend at school, who continuisly makes up stories that we find out to be wrong. Most of the time they are tramatic experiances that have happend to her, or just small things that can't be true because we already no the truth. If we give her evidence to why shes wrong she gets angry and denies it. It's getting hard to handle because we don't no what to trust and what not to trust. She's a good person, and a good friend, so we want to help her. How should we handle this?

-- Contributed by: jane

Amber, Please see your doctor to ask for a referral to a therapist.

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I hope it works.

-- Contributed by: sheena

I need help!

-- Contributed by: Amber Johnston

Chelsea,

A therapist can help you understand why you are lying and help you develop better behavior patterns. Your doctor can refer you to someone who can help.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Need help with lying about everything

-- Contributed by: Chelsea Campbell
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