LoveToKnow Recovery:AllComments

From LoveToKnow Recovery

Comments

Elsie,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad to hear that you were able to get out of the situation safely. You have reminded everyone that drug addiction can affect people at any age.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I had not seen him in over ten years and i went to NYC to see him for labor day 2009. We could not go to his house because he said he left a girl that he lived with as a friend to see me ( like i really believed this but i wanted to see him again )and we stayed in his friends place that had been a crack appt ( i didn't know this at the time ) .I didn't know it was going to be this bad but he woke me up at 3:am wanting money because he said he was broke and i was leaving the next day so I gave him 50 to use for a metro card to get around until he got paid then he left me alone there for about an hour. Then he woke me up again two hours later with big scary eyes saying that the guy who owned the appt wanted 20 dollars for letting us stay there. I refused and he shook and pushed me and I fell on the floor ,I was away from home and i was scared so i gave him the 20 and he ran out again.He came back and layed on the bed with a glass pipe smoking somethig that he said was xtc and it makes sex better ( i was not buying this for one minute ) . I covered my head with sheets and prayed that i would not get high from what he was smoking, i played like i was sleeping so i could just get home.In the morning he acted like nothing was wrong, i know now that he was smoking crack and i deserve better from him after knowing him for over 30 years.I have loved him for years but i don't want to help him with his drug problem, i'm 47 and he is 49 and i had had better, ladies!!!!! LET GO !!!!!!!

-- Contributed by: Elsie

Brenda,

You can't rescue this person and you should probably be asking yourself why you want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't treat you well.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

He says he loves me today and cries that he doesn't want to lose me; then tommorow he becomes a monster! He has always smoked weed, but lately it smells different. I asked him directly, he didn't answer and i haven't seen him for 5 days. I contacted him by text and he was nasty.......

-- Contributed by: Brenda

Anonymous,

You know that he smokes weed and goes crack and that he doesn't have a regular place to live. He isn't interested in going to rehab and you don't trust him. You need to decide whether spending time alone with him is in your children's best interests. If you are having trouble making a decision, you might want to consider seeing a counselor who can help you sort out your feelings.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have 2 children with an addict. I don't know for sure what he does except smoke weed & drink but his behavior is more like a cocaine or heroine addict. We do not live together but most of his stuff is still in my garage. He doesn't care where he sleeps & hasn't had a job in 2 years. I don't know if I should cut him off. I've tried sooo hard to get him into rehab but he says he doesn't have a problem. I often wonder if I should keep him from the kids because I don't trust him. What to do?

-- Contributed by: anonymous

Lisa,

You can't "will" your boyfriend to give up crack; It's a highly addictive substance. He has to get to a point where he is ready to get help. I know that you are hurt and upset at his actions, but as long as he is using, the craving for drugs is going to be the driving force in his life.

I would suggest that rather than focus on your boyfriend that you see a therapist to help you understand why you choose to have a relationship with someone who treats you badly and steals from you.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

ive been in love with a crack addict for almost 3yrs now, i do not and have never done this, ive stood by him through jail and prison terms just praying he would change, i cant let him go , he just got out of prison 3 mths ago and now has left out on a benge, i was in the hospital , he let me there and stole my car and money and has been gone since june 12th , he doesnt know if im dead or alive, i just cant understand or accept he has done this to me, ive been so good to him , please help!

-- Contributed by: lisa runyan

Gina S,

It must be very difficult to continue to stay clean when your boyfriend is using. You already know that using won't get you anywhere you really want to be, and you have two children that you need to think about. You can get support from organizations like Narc Anon or online to stay clean. You can't make decisions for your boyfriend, but you can make them for yourself. Keep making the right ones for your family.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I was a user back in 2005 i found out i was preg with my now 3 yr old son. Since then i have never used again... My current boyfriend would throw it in my face in the course of a fight. I now also have a 1 yr old son by him. around the time that my youngest was born he picked up the destructing habit. He changed ever so quickly to the person described above. He does not seem to understand how hard it is for me to be around him while he is using. I dont have any family and neither does he.I honestly dont know what to do im afraid of going back myself......

-- Contributed by: Gina S...

Macy,

You can tell him that you are concerned about him and you want him to quit, but the ultimate decision to do so is his. You can't control his behavior, but you can control your own. You can decide whether you want to stay in a relationship with someone who treats you in a mean and hateful manner or move on to a more positive and respectful one.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

My boyfriend is addicted to crack. He has all of the syptoms above. It hurts to see him hit the crack pipe. He acts so mean and hateful to me. I cant stand it. He apologises to me and makes me feel ok but its really not ok. How do I tell him straight up to cut it out?

-- Contributed by: macy Duncan

Help Me,

If you want to get off crack and your significant other doesn't, you need to make a plan for getting help and understand that you may not be able to continue living together. You can't make your partner be ready to seek treatment, but you can get help for yourself.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

What do I do if I desperately wish to recover from a crack addiction, but my significant other isn't as willing? We live together @ the same residence, and have lost so much that it's not as easy as I thought to get away on my own.

-- Contributed by: help me

Take it from an addicts point of view, you must want to quit. Once you finally get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will give it up. For anyone who has a loved one on crack cocaine, never give up loving them and let them know it. Don't shut them completely out. As long as they know that you love them, that will gnaw at the back of their mind and hopefully bring them to a full recovery. Never give up. I dont believe once an addict always an addict.

-- Contributed by: chocolategirl

JoJoJackson:

You have brought up an interesting point: there is a difference between the person and the drug addiction. You can care for the person but not approve of the behavior surrounding the crack use. It sounds like you have done the right thing by refusing to have any further contact if you feel that you may be manipulated by this person any further. Unfortunately, that is part of addiction as well.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i got involved w. someone who said they had a couple yrs clean off alcohol. however, within 3 mos. of me helping him get a car and phone and job, he started disappearing for 24 hrs about 1x every mo. He would come back and seem so normal and like he had it all together and acted like i was out of line questioning his disappearances, or he'd have these crazy, fantastic stories explaining the disappearances and reasons he was broke - like dropped wallet or someone broke into car and stoled everything. It turns out he was using crack and would spend all his money and food stamps on it. I went to support groups and all the women had same story re: their men. Why do they all sound like the same guy? All these women fell in love w. these guys.. the guys seemed like dream guys except for the crack and then the stealing or being broke due to crack, etc. I have finally cut the cord I think- no communication w. him while he's in jail. I realize he is draining me financially, and of time and energy and it will never end. I will call police if he comes on my property again as he is like an addiction to me if he talks to me or gets near me...knows all my weaknesses.

-- Contributed by: jojojackson

Retrokenn,

It sounds like you already know that this is not a healthy situation for you. You can't "get someone off crack" - they need to do it themselves. You can provide support, but the decision must be theirs. Since it sounds like you don't feel comfortable in this situation, it sounds like it's time for you to first stop availing yourself of this woman's services and then finding another place to live.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I live with two people I have basically have gotten them off crack for a month. It is a couple. It is very complicated. The girl 34 has been involved with a boyfriend who has hepatitis and now is ill from pancreitis and psoaris of the lvier. All they do now is eat candy, smoke cigarettes and weed, and have a propensity to want to steal. The girl even prostitutes herself to me and because I am bizarrely attracted I comply. I need help

-- Contributed by: retrokenn@aol.com

Desperate,

You have taken the first step. You have admitted that you want help. Your primary care physician is a good place to start. Make an appointment and ask for a referral to a treatment program or a therapist with experience in treating addictions.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Michelle,

Your results would depend on the type of test given and how long it has been since you used the last time. You may want to take the test anyway and hope for the best, since you need a job. I would suggest that you look into getting some professional help for your addiction.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i am a 40 year old mother of a beautiful 4 year old. i have a man who loves me very much. the only thing standing between me and becoming a productive member of society is my crack addiction. can someone please help me?

-- Contributed by: desperate 4 help

I have used on/on for 5years now and when started i was really not into it.(more of a social smoker)..still am but now I pawn/borrow just about anything for a hit!..Now I can't "TOTALLY STOP!"

i am an off and on again crack user and find it difficult to stay clean (I clean up, apply for jobs, stay clean...then I start using) I have been out of work since Nov 08. I had stopped using - hoping that I could get a job (since I was clean), but no-one hired, and then I got discouraged...and now I am using again! I got a call back from a company.who drug-tests...I don't know what to do! I need a job and I have been clean for 1week- but because I am an off/on kinda crackhead...I am not sure if I will test clean! Any suggestions/comments..(I am screaming HELP!)

any addicts or loved ones that have had this experiences? comment/suggest too!

Thanks for letting me share/get it off my back!

-- Contributed by: michelle lynn

Chris,

You can tell your brother that you don't fully understand how bad things were for him, but that you would like to. Ask him to share his thoughts and feelings about it with you. It sounds like you are being very supportive of him, which is exactly what he needs.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I recently found out that my brother has been addicted to crack. He is attending meetings everyday and getting help through a hospital. I have been speaking with him on a daily basis and invite him over every chance I get. Tonight he got very upset with me because he said I didn't understand how bad things were for him at his worse. My brother had a very high profile job and lived a very different lifestyle than me and my family, (we live in the country) and he was high society. It is so hard for me to believe that he ever was so bad off because he hid it so well. Of coarse now he has no job, and lives in a motel. I just don't know what I am suppose to say, I always tell him I am proud of him and love him (which has not been easy because we have NEVER been expressive like that in our whole lives. I want to be there, to encourage, I just don't seem to react the right way I guess.

-- Contributed by: chris

Paula,

When our children make bad choices, it affects the people around them as well. It sounds like he has worked hard to make positive changes in his life and that he has something to look forward to once he gets out of prison. Hopefully, he won't get off track by starting to use again.

Do you have someone you can talk to about how you are feeling? It sounds like a lot of your own energy has been caught up in your son's cycle of addiction and that you need an outlet for yourself.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Hi, My son Jason who is 36 just completed a ten month drug rehab program in prison in Florida. He is in prison because he sold drugs. He has been on crack since he was about 17. He did absolutely fantastic in the rehab. He is so smart and cares about other so much. The head counselor wanted him to become a lay couselor with her after prison and then go to college to get a degree so that he could become professional and still work for and with them. Jason completed the program and was moved into a regular prison dorm. When he called me about a week ago he said he was watching a guy smoke a joint. He said they have cocaine and even homemade liqor there. I had heard this takes place in prison and I cringed to think that he would be in there with them. I have never given up on my son. But, it has been so long now and I feel so so bad...like a limp dish towel. I am so discouraged. Jason has called me every Saturday for a year. He didn't call last Saturday. My first thought was he had been sick or beaten up or worse. I called the Chaplin and he told that that nothing like that had happend. I remember when Jason used to do drugs we wouldn't hear from him for a long time. I am heart sick. I feel like I've been beaten up! My son and I are very close. Before he use to promise me it would never happen again, but now he says, I won't tell you anymore, "I'll show you I have truely changed." Jason has such a good heart. He is such a kind person and truly in his heart has the desire to be a good man. He has six children. He said I want so much to be a good role model, not a terrible Dad any more. This drug rehab was a very good one. The inmates were in that rehab dorm 24/7. They ate, breathed, and slept drug rehab with classes and other programs all day and into the night. What do you think? What can you tell me? Thanks for reading...it helps to get it out. Seems like most of my life has been dealing with Jason's addiction. God bless.

Paula (the Mom :)

-- Contributed by: Paula

Single Mom,

You are definitely not alone. Narcotics Anonymous is a resource that can help you cope with the situation.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

reading all of your comments makes me feel so much better, knowing i am not facing this alone. I have 5 children with my husband and when he goes on his crack dates i feel just like a single mother and he makes me feel like he is my 6th child having to worry about him all the time.

-- Contributed by: single mom?

Help,

You can't control what your husband does, but you can get help for your self. Narcotics Anonymous should be able to help you. Here is the link to their web site: http://www.na.org/

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

my husband leaves for weeks at a time we dont hear a thing how can deal with this. its driveing me crazy

-- Contributed by: help

Broken Hearted,

You sound like you know first hand how devastating drug use can be. Using crack won't improve the user's life at all and the people surrounding him or her suffer as well.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Crack addiction not only affects the user, it affects the family. Get help immediately. You not only risk losing family, you risk losing your life

--broken hearted wife

-- Contributed by: candy
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