LoveToKnow Recovery:AllComments

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Amymarie,

I'm glad you commented here. You have a lot going on; that's for sure. The lies may be part of the bipolar disorder or the addiction, and one condition can feed off the other. The first thing you need to do is deal with your suicidal feelings. They may be connected with the withdrawal from painkillers, but you need help now. If you can't see your doctor right away, go to to the ER and tell the staff what is going on.

Once you are feeling more stable, then it's time to get help from a therapist who can help you learn how to change your behavior, as well as coach you through the process of coming clean with the people in your life.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I am a compulsive liar. I am also Bi-polar with Borderline traits, as well as an active drug addict. I need help. I have destroyed my life, and each day I promise to stop lying but it gets worse. I am beginning recovery for the pain killer addiction (for the umpteenth time), but have never done anything about the lies. It always gets worse when I relapse, and now i have relapsed and am taking more pills than ever, so I lie more than ever. I have told the man I love (i think I love him...not even sure if i am capable) that I am British which i am not, a writer who is about to be published,which i am not, going thru chemotherapy, which i am not. I am effed up. I am hopeless. I have lied since my first memories. it has been harder for me to tell the truth than lie for MY WHOLE LIFE. i am on the verge of ending it all. I keep thinking it is a worthless journey for me to be here...fear and family stops me. I dont even have it in me to live for myself anymore. I am at rock bottom and i need help so bad. please.

-- Contributed by: amymarie

Chloe,

You would need to see a therapist. Your doctor can give you a referral to someone who is qualified to help you.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

If you were a compulsive liar or pathological liar, where would you go to get treatment? I've dealt with many lying issues in my own life and I've known about it, but still I can believe some of them, when deep down I know they can't be true. I keep looking up and researching about what my problem could be, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I've driven away the one person who was completely real with me because I was so completely fake. And it took this one person that I've hurt so bad to fess up to my problem and find help, I know I need it.

-- Contributed by: Chloe

Melissa,

It sounds like you have already made a decision about what to do by telling him to leave. If you want to help him, you can encourage him to get counseling to help him understand why he behaves like that and learn how to be honest going forward.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

My 50 year old unemployed car mechanic husband whose been married to me for 17 years has been telling people he's a single 37 year old famous fashion photographer. I told him to leave. He's always told lies since the day we met, some big some really small and daft and unnecessary. I don't know what to do about it.

-- Contributed by: Melissa

Kathy,

I bet you would get defensive if someone accused you of being a liar, so it's the same for the person with a history of this behavior. You may need to decide that you are going to take them at their word, unless you have evidence to the contrary. Otherwise, you are constantly waiting to catch them in another lie, and that will wear you down over time.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

What if you're not sure if the person with a history of lying is lying now? If they are telling the truth,even just about some things, would they not be very defensive if constantly accused of lying?

-- Contributed by: Kathy

Katie,

It is possible for a compulsive liar to change their behavior with the help of a therapist. Once you get to the therapist's office, you can ask questions about his or her approach to treatment and success rate.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. About 6 months or so I started to become suspicious that he was making up stories about where he was, who he was with, etc. As it turns out, he was leading an entirely separate life. He lies about absolutely everything. He lies about things that make no sense at all, like small little things. I have now confronted him about the lying with his mother. After long talks, he as agreed to go to a therapist as long as I come with him. Can people with this disorder really change with therapy? Or is it so engrained in their minds that they will always lie no matter what?

-- Contributed by: Katie

Lorie,

It sounds like you and your family have been through a lot. If your husband does have bipolar disorder of PTSD, there is treatment available. If the Court has ordered him into treatment, there will be consequences if he doesn't comply. You can't make him get help, but you can look after yourself and your family. I would suggest that you find a counselor who can help you deal with your feelings so that you can make good decisions about what steps to try to deal with your husband.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

My husband and I were married fro 18 years and I know that he lilkes to be the center of attention.I always know if the story is not true, I most of the time ignore it because he will not admit it was a make believe,for 18 years I did not expect that my husband will become a very mean cold hearted person. When he came back from vacation he startedto act very wierd thinking due to PTSD or being a bipolar.Then he suddenly decided to divorce me and in a wierd thing on a different name.Then when cofronted it was the lawyer's mistake, then another story the papers were serve to me without his knowledge.He tells stories about me having an affair then when Itell him the lie he told me he will simply say he can not do that to me,coz it will destroy his reputation. I found out that he has a mistress and admitted to almost everybody, when confronted he did not say it and he does not have a mistress.Admitted to my children then told me my children were lying.He started to talk to people as if he was the victim and I became the monster wife.He becomes very hyper and very provocative when confronted and as if he has dementia that he did not know what he said and he tels me I made up the story I am accussing him. He beleive only the people who gives him negative thoughts and if you won't get along with his story he simply say I have brain washed the person.I was always asking him who was the person behind his madness, before he cried and told my children he does not like to divorce me then suddenlly he wanted to get married and told my children he did not say he did not like to divorce me. He is like in a shared psychosis. He listen to someone dictating him. I wanted to stop from hurting our family more, he simply thinks he is the victim. Court ordered him to seek help and the doctor needs to talk to me too. He gave me aphone number of the doctor that he said to his lawyer I wa already interview.I kept on calling the doctor but no response from the doctor. I can see he needed help but he is destroying our family, he believed the woman he met for 5 days with 3 kids and separated is his true love,and wanted to marry her as soon as possible.He likes to threaten people too now.As if I am running out of time to help him before he completely destroy our lives.

-- Contributed by: lorie

Cindy,

Your nephew has been through a lot in his young life. If the things you have tried haven't worked, then it's time to take a different approach. Have you sat down with him calmly and asked him why he behaves that way? He must be getting some kind of payoff out of it, or he wouldn't be doing it. You may also want to consider getting him a referral to see a therapist who can help him learn to behave differently.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I AM TAKING CARE OF MY NEPHEW. HE IS 11 YEARS OLD AND HE LIES. MY SISTER ALWAYS LIED AND IS NOW LIVING ON THE STREETS DOING DRUGS. MY NEPHEWS FATHER WAS DIAGNOSED AS HAVING SCHIZOPHRENIA AND IS ON DIABILITY. WE TOOK CUSTODY 5 YEARS AGO OF MY NEPHEW. HOW CAN WE STOP HIS LYING??? WE ARE AT WITS END. WE HAVE TRIED PUNISHMENT, TAKING PRIVELEGES AWAY, ADDING CHORES ON. LAST STEP WAS A SPANKING. HE LIES ABOUT HOMEWORK PAPERS, LITTLE THINGS NOW--WHAT HAPPENS IF HE LIES ABOUT DRUGS. WE WANT TO STOP HIM NOW.

-- Contributed by: CINDY

Peggye,

There is always hope, but your son has to want to change. He has been lying because on some level it has been working for him. You can approach him and tell him you are concerned and offer to help him get some help. This may or may not go over well. In the end, all you can do is let him know you care about him and that you are willing to help if he wants you to.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have a 29 year old son who has been lying since he was 9 years old. He actually believes his lies. He was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and I have been reading that there may be a connection. Is there any help for him at this point in his life? I don't know what to do to help anymore. He has a small child now and I am concerned about how this will affect her.

-- Contributed by: peggye

Hi Jess,

Actually, that might be the best way to approach making your parents aware you feel you have a problem. The counselor can help you break the news to your parents in a professional manner. After all, as a minor, your parents will need to know what's going on before they can help you.

It takes courage to come forward in the way you're trying to, but it will really be beneficial in the long run. Please don't give up.

Kelly Roper, LoveToKnow Group Editor

-- Contributed by: Kelly Roper

Yes, I am. I constantly move around, and from school to school, so I haven't really gotten used to this new school yet. But talking to the school counselor would only end up relaying the news to my parents so tha tisn't much help.

-- Contributed by: Jess

Jess:

I'm assuming you are in school; can you talk to a counselor there about concerns? You should be able to talk to someone without your parents being notified.

Jodee Redmond, LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have always lied about things when I was small, and when I grew up, I just thought it was a habit. I never gave it much thought. Then recently, I saw a show that talked about lying disorders on TV, and..finally brought up the courage to look these disorders up.

As..much I hate to admit, I fall in this category and symtoms a bit too well. In age, I am not an adult. Which means I cannot go and seek help by myself. Yet, it is impossible for me to tell my parents about this because they are constantly busy and it has always been hard to communicate with them. Much less admit to them that I've been lieing and wonder if I have such a disorder.

A..little help?

-- Contributed by: Jess

Hi Greg,

Have you lied in relationships before or is this a relatively recent issue? The root of your lying may come from a lack of self esteem; if you don't feel worthy of your girlfriend's love, you may be trying to give her a reason to reject you, which will reinforce your feeling that you are unlovable.

You may also have been embarrassed that she found the porn on your computer and lied to minimize the fact that you had been looking at it. Many men look (and women) look at porn, and it doesn't mean that their relationship with their partner is lacking something, but that doesn't mean that she won't feel hurt and insulted because of it.

First, you can apologize for lying and tell her what you have posted here. A therapist can help you figure out why you are lying and help you deal with the triggers that will cause you to do this, and I would suggest that you tell your girlfriend that you are willing to go for counseling. (She may want to be part of that process, too.)

Jodee Redmond, LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have been in a relationship with a woman for three years. I consider myself a dependable person, yet I find myself in situations that cause me to lie. Most recently, my girlfriend looked on my computer history and found porn listed. I swear it was only once, but it showed up on my history for 3 out of 5 days. I did not look at it for sexual gratification. It almost seemed like I did it to get caught. Why would I do that. I love this person very much and would like to spend the rest of my life with her. When she confronted me on it, I told her it was only one day, and that it wasn't for sexual gratification. She showed me the history, and the amount of time spent on it, and I was dumbfounded. I truely can't remember being on there that much. What is wrong with me? I am losing the love of my life because she catches me in lies.....when there is no reason to lie. I'm not cheating. I'm not sneaking. It's just that she doesn't trust me anymore. Help.

-- Contributed by: Greg
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