LoveToKnow Recovery:AllComments

From LoveToKnow Recovery

Comments

Genevieve,

It sounds like you may be a habitual liar. You get some benefit from lying and you realize when you are doing it.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i lie to make things seem better than what they really were, to make people jealous, and just to have somehting to talk about sometimes. am i a compulsive liar?

-- Contributed by: genevieve

Angel,

We have a number of articles on compulsive lying on our channel. You will find them in the Lying Addiction category.

Unfortunately, you can't help your son-in-law if he doesn't want the help. He is doing this behavior because he gets some type of benefit from it. You can approach him and tell him that you are concerned about him. Tell him what you have noticed and offer to help him find a therapist. A doctor can refer him to someone qualified.

Then you will have to wait for him to respond to you. He may not see the need for help for the lying. If he is sleeping a lot, he may be depressed. Suggesting he get a checkup may be a way to get him screened for depression or other mental illnesses.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

My son-in-law lies all the time. He tells stories to people we know, once he told a friend of mine that he went across seas to work, but I have no idea when he wuld have I see him every week and week-end. He did not go, ut with certain people he believes he did. He also believes in his mind that he is sick all the time and my daughter takes him to the ER t the hospital all the time. He does not work and sleeps all the time. Then I found out that he told our pastor that he went to the hospital and the Dr's found a spot on his liver and it could be cancer. But the hospital sent him home and told him they could not find anything wrong with him. How can I help him? Where can I get more info. on compulsive lying? I just can't take all these lies any more, and I feel like he really needs help. Thanks.

-- Contributed by: Angel

im a liar i ruined my relationship bc of the lies however she was gracious enough to say that she wanted to help me quit lieing what are some things she could do to help???

-- Contributed by: zach

Justin,

If you want to repair your relationship with your girlfriend, you need to show her that you are serious about making changes in your life. Please contact your doctor to get a referral to a therapist who can help you. Ask your girlfriend to come to some sessions with you so that she can understand why you have been behaving the way you are. She will need to decide whether she is willing to take the risk of trusting you again. If she does decide to do so, it will take time for her to feel good about your relationship, so be prepared to answer questions about where you have been and what you have been doing often.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i am a compulsive liarr i just drove away al my friends and the girl i loved due to me being a ... i love her and now everyone says im fake and she never wants to talk to me again how do i get her back?

-- Contributed by: justin

Bevneedshelp,

It sounds like she is creating a lot of chaos in your family and you want it to stop. A therapist can help you to understand that you are not responsible for your sister's behavior and help you develop a plan so that you can hang onto your own sanity.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

my sister is a compulsive liar and she lies about me and what she does by going on yahoo and telling everybody things that are not true. She slept with my boyfriend (she has severe problems, she is married and she has a daughter and she would go see my now ex in front of her daughter. we got into a fight and i called her a slut and she hit me so of course i hit her back . She was driving on the freeway and yet she still attacked me I had to escape and i called the cops but i didn't want to get her arrested since she is mentally sick. I then found out she went online and posted about how i had attacked her for no reason and called me a meth head when it was her who attacked me and she is the one who is addicted to drugs and she has stolen money from me thousands of dollars for no reason. I have only tried to help her but she is ungrateful and has no conscience. She is really insecure and jealous of me for some reason , even though i have never tried to make her jealous on purpose. I got her back though sometimes the only way to help someone as messed up as her is to do the same to her. She will never tel the truth about anything that she does. She crashed her car and tried to blame it on me, she stole and tried to sell my moms designer purse and i told my mom what she did since my sister had lied to me about where she had gotten the purse from. And my sister went ballistic and still insists she found the purse outside dirty. My mom knows the purse was in her closet, but my sister refuses to be honest and admit her guilt. She calls me crazy and throws insults at me but all i want is for her to be a good mother and stop punishing her daughter for her own guilty conscience. I wanted to take my niece to the space observatory today and she said no. I told her to take her daughter and to stop neglecting her and she doesn't care! I am sick of her and dealing with her has really hurt my own sanity and after what she did with my boyfriend i think i need to see a therapist too.

-- Contributed by: bevneedshelp

Dazzle,

You can approach her about her lying and tell her that you are concerned about her. Tell her what you have noticed and offer to help her find a therapist. This conversation may not go well, and you do run the risk of alienating her. Low self-esteem may be part of the problem, but ultimately the decision to seek treatment must be your family member's.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have a family member that lies all the time.She lies about stupid stuff, and makes up stuff that is unbelievable. She has lied like this so much that I don't even attempt to confront her. I just listen to what she says and say "oh really" or "that's nice. She had a really rough childhood and her parents never showed her any affection. Could this be her problem? She really needs help, because it is getting where no one wants to be around her anymore.She tells one lie after another.She has never been to a therapist and would never admit she has a problem. What can I do to try to help her? She recently married and I am afraid that it is just a matter of time before her lies will affect their marriage.

-- Contributed by: Dazzle

Michelle,

A therapist can help you understand your behavior and learn new ways of relating to people. Please ask your doctor to refer you to someone who can help.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i am a liar and i do not understand why i feel like i must lie. I am married and my husband does not trust me because i lie. What do i need to do?

-- Contributed by: michelle

Mrb,

You have identified why you lie, which is the first step in dealing with the problem. A therapist can help you work on your self-esteem issues and give you the tools you need to stop lying.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i always find myself lying and usually to make myself look good.But recently it has all turned bad and i have been really embarrased and have lost alot of friends.it makes me feel upset to think that i have to lie to feel good about myself

-- Contributed by: mrb

HelpMyFriend,

I understand that your friend feels badly about what happened. Confessing her part in the "online guy" thing may make your friend feel better, but it will only make the girl she was talking to feel worse. If the girl is gay, the experience with your friend didn't make her that way. The best choice in this situation may be to encourage the online girl to move on without revealing the deception.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

In jr high my friend jaymi told this girl online that she had a cousin who like her (the boy really still jaymi) and liked (this girl online) and they eventually got together "on-line" and she lied about the whole thing and even went on for a what i believe year or more! she said it started out just as fun but realized she couldnt tell the truth because it would hurt the online girl cause she needed somebody.. so then the girl online fell hard for "this guy" aka jaymi and evenutally i guess broke it off without ever meeting, talkin on the phone nothing.. the thing is my friend isnt gay or nothing like that just straight (AND i know this 100%) just claims to have done it out of feeling sorry for the online girl and just recently they started talking again as my real friend jaymi because they were friends first and the "online girl" still doesnt know jaymi was behind it but they text and she just asked me for help on what to do because the online girl and her are friends and jaymi feels really bad and wants to appolygize but feels the online girl will hate her and not talk or do something stupid because she truly loved the "online guy" and come to find out the "online girl" is now a lesbian! so i really find this weird! but nice i guess u could say cause it wasnt out of being gay or nothing she felt bad and she was young so i really dont know how to help her and hoping you can she never really lies though and is a really cool and good person she said it was just her being young and stupid on the internet so yeah can u gimme ideas to tell her something atleast? cause im dumbfounded!

-- Contributed by: helpmyfriend

Debbie,

The reasons you are still with this man are complicated. You may have self-esteem issues or you may be looking to "fix" him. The fact is that everyone should come with a sign that says "as is." You can't fix him; he needs to do that for himself. As long as you are trying to make up for the things he does, including the criminal activity, he is going to keep on doing those things. There is no incentive for him to change. You can control what you do, though. I would suggest that you see a counselor to help you figure out what you are getting out of having this man in your life.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Chanin,

Addiction and drug abuse is an explanation, but not an excuse, for bad behavior. Congrats on getting free from a toxic relationship and I hope you can move on to more positive ones.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have been in a relationship with my partner now for nearly four years - when I first met him he lied about having a young son that died, lied to his friends about his dad being dead and lied to me that his mom was dead. He has lied about jobs he did not have but worst of all he lied and I have found out that he and his friend stole 70,000 pounds from my mums bank account which I hope to pay back once my divorce is over. OK why am I still with him - I want to help him and sort him out before he destroys himself and all around him - Can you help? Do I need to get him to a doctor or what can I do?

-- Contributed by: Debbie Berry

Alcoholism and drug abuse is an addiction that causes this compulsion to lie, deceive and manipulate people. I finally got out of this type of relationship after 16 years. I finally see him for who he really is instead of who I wanted him to be!!!!!

-- Contributed by: Chanin

Bev,

You are bringing up some really good questions. First of all, your sister-in-law is behaving that way because she is getting some benefit from it. She isn't going to want to change her behavior unless there is some benefit to that, as well. If her lying is more of a nuisance than something that is harmful, you can choose to ignore it. You can call her on it when she lies in front of you, and see if that changes things.

If you choose to have a discussion about it, you need to proceed very carefully. Tell her that that you have noticed the behavior and that you are concerned about her. Offer to help her find a therapist if she wants to get treatment. If she refuses, you may need to just let it go.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

My sisiter-in-law can come up with some whoppers, from telling new acquaintances her deceased mother had been a congresswoman and very good friends with the Kennedys(she wasn't)to her dyed red hair being natural and she hates it, she started dying it about 10 to 15 years ago. My family has always looked over it, we've always known she has a problem, and none of us have the heart to point out the truth. But, is it destroying her life or happiness? Most who know her know to take what she says with a grain of salt, but I never thought about this illness hurting her. She's also addited to Vicodin, which might be adding to her problem. She loves to be sick and can make most people, even doctors, believe she's in pain. She hasn't asked for help. I don't even know if she realizes she needs it. How do I approach these subjects to her? Or should I just mind my own business?

-- Contributed by: Bev

Jennifer S,

If you want to get help, you need to see a therapist. Your doctor should be able to recommend someone. Please make an appointment to ask for a referral.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Please help me with my problem. I'm losing friends and cannot help it.

-- Contributed by: Jennifer S

Grace,

Thank you for taking the time to explain what being a compulsive liar is like. Counseling will help; it's possible you didn't find the right person to work with the last time. Please ask your doctor for a referral to someone else. You can change your life for the better.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Grace,

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i am a compulsive liar, we dont do it to hurt people or because we want to cover the actual truth, its a discusting cycle tat we cant get out of, mine stemmed from lying as child to get out of trouble, i always felt like my mum never loved me as much as the other kids,i never felt wanted or needed and it used to depress me, it started with small lies like lying about grades at school to impress my mum and then it scaled out of control to huge lies about illnesses to gain respect for what i had gone through in life, we cant help it and it just comes out often we dont realise we lie until its out and then we have to lie to cover up another lie and another to stop from gettin caught, no one likes liars its hurtful and create sall kinds of trust issues but wwe just cant stop, its a want to feel needed and wanted and loved and a way of feeling control, if your lyin about your life and controling the lies you have complete control of your fantasy life, we dont believ the lies really happended but we dont know how to admit it because we dont want to loose the ones we love. Its hard to understand if you arent a compulsive liar but i recently lost my partner because he found out i had lied, alot about some really big stuff, what he doesnt realise is i would give anything to get him back and the more upset and less he wanted me the more i lied to get him back. i would give anything for help with it absolutly anything but there is none, counciling doesnt help but i just want to stop, some times i cry actual sob myself to sleep begging for help with my problem, i lost someone so special to me and i had sommething really good going and i will never have that again and that is the worse punishment of them all knowing i will never be able to have some one im in love with because i am incapable of being honest as hard as i try and no matter how long i go without telling one it always comes out in the end and its awful, they are bigger and worse with the more stress and emotional pain im in. we push people away, so far away that they hate us, and no one understands it we get judged as bad people and i guess we are but i would give my sole to be able to stop and go back and change what ive done and who i have hurt and get back my partner but it will never happen, i just want forgiveness and a solution, but it never ends

-- Contributed by: grace

Nanc,

It sounds like he has made some bad choices. Only he can explain his reasons for behaving the way he has. You have a lot to sort through and you may benefit from seeing a counselor who can help you figure out what you want to do next. Your husband may need therapy, but if he refuses to go with you, then you can make an appointment and go on your own.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

After knowing my husband for 15 years (11 of which are married) i have found out that he is a compulsive liar. I found out the other day when I went to prepare to refinance our home, that he took out another mortgage with another person. Imagine my shock when i found out that he compromized our financial security. We have been planning a new kitchen for nine months now and now that all the final decisions have been made, I find out our bank wont lend us the money because he is co-signer or another loan. He has put this other person before his wife and family. I cant understand how this man could not have know that signing for another loan would jeopardize our future. And the person who he signed with no longer has a job! Who knows, in this job market, that they will ever find employment. I want him to sell the property so we dont have a double mortgage. Our daughter is starting college this fall and we could have used that money towards tuition as well. He has lied about smoking, viewing pornography, etc. It just never seems to stop. He has move out temporarly but I dont know if i should let him back. I think he needs to see a therapist, and/or be put on some drug that could keep him focused on what is truly important in life. He seems to have a bit of Peter Pan Syndrome as well. What do you think of this grown mans behavior?

-- Contributed by: nanc

I can understand your wanting to go back and change things. You can apologize for past events and it may make sense for you to do that with your former wife, but we have to live in the present. You can make better decisions going forward and have healthier relationships as a result.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have lost 2 marriages to lying and now I beleive that what I am feeling now is some sort of penance that I have to go through to make myself better.. Looking back I REALLY wish I could do it over with my last wife....I MISS HER...

-- Contributed by: L.

Ugh,

Compulsive lying is usually treated through behavioral therapy, where the client learns new (and better) ways to interact with people other than lying, as opposed to prescribing medications. Meds can be used to treat conditions that may contribute to the lying, such as bipolar disorder or depression.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

What medicines are available to help stop compulsive lying?

-- Contributed by: Ugh

Lili,

Someone who has been molested will definitely have self-esteem issues. She may have claimed to have been raped as a way of trying to tell the family that she needs help. I would suggest that she find a therapist who can help her work through how and when to share this information.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

What if someone you knew lied about getting rape, telling all her loved ones that she got rape and also got pregant and had an abortion. By a boyfriend that never exist all her life she made up boyfriends and stories about stuff where she eventually left high school because her parents thought that it was dangerous for her. How can she move on with her life she regrets these things but she can't take them away without hurting her family even more, Can she ever move on what would she tell her furture husband and children. She knows this is wrong she wants to stop how can she let this go. She was molested by two family members does this have anything to do with it? because after that, that's when it all started.

-- Contributed by: lili

Liar,

It sounds like you are ready to get help. Please get in touch with a therapist to get started soon.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I LOVE THIS WOMAN DEARLY AND BECAUSE OF MY LIES I HAVE LOST HER. I WILL BE SEEKING HELP NOT BECAUSE I HOPE SHE WILL COME BACK THAT WONT HAPPEN ITS BECAUSE I NEED TO FIND MYSELF THE REAL ME.

-- Contributed by: IM A LIAR

Tom,

It sounds like you could benefit from counseling. Your doctor can refer you to someone who is qualified to help you.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have a daughter who just turned 14 years old and she lies about everything all the time and I get very aggrivated I just want her to tell the truth when she has done something and there would not be such conflict within the home.WHAT SHOULD I DO?

-- Contributed by: Lil

I don't go to counciling or therapy or anything, but everyone around me tells me that I need to because I lie constantly about everything. I honestly don't even realize I'm doing it anymore...

-- Contributed by: Tom Webb

Kat,

Since you are going to therapy for depression, tell your therapist that you have been lying to people you know as well. He or she can help you work on understanding why you behave in this way and help you learn new patterns of behavior.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I currently go to therapy, for depression not lying, but I still find that I'm just making things up. I talk about a brother I don't have to coworkers and telling friends and family that I'm going somewhere that I'm not really going. Before therapy I didn't realize that I was lying, but even though I know I'm doing it, I still can't stop. All I can do is correct myself afterward. Any ideas on what I should do?

Kat

-- Contributed by: Kat

Grace,

You said it yourself; you lie to get out out of difficult or uncomfortable situations. A therapist can help you learn different ways of dealing with them so that you don't use lying as a way to cope.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

CBrown,

A therapist can help you understand why you started lying and help you learn new behavior patterns. Your doctor should be able to refer you to someone who can help.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

hey wats up everbody, so ya i lie alot to get out of stuff. But i don't know why, and sometimes I end up hurting people with my lies. And I end my realationship's with guys with my lies and i really need help. Any SUGGESTIONS??

-- Contributed by: grace

I have taken ownership that I am a compulsive liar and I want help with this issue. I have hurt my wife so much due to my lies and no she does not want to have anything to do with me because she does not believe she can trust me. I need help. We are seperated right now and I do not want to be divorced. Please.. any suggestion!

-- Contributed by: CBrown

Greg,

You have taken the first and most important step in admitting that you have a problem. Help is available from a therapist and your doctor should be able to recommend someone. Please make an appointment to take the next step to improve your life and your relationships.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Hi, I have recently realized that I am a compulsive liar. My girlfriend, well now ex girlfriend pointed it out to me. I really need help because she is everything to me. I know we both want to be with each other forever, but my problem is preventing this. I need help, anybody have a suggestion for me?

-- Contributed by: Greg

Katherine,

The decision to get help must rest with your boyfriend. You can't make him get help if he doesn't want to. The only person you can change is yourself and you may want to consider what positive things you are getting from the relationship that would make being with a person you can't trust attractive.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Trice,

Your ex won't change unless he decides that it's time to do so. It sounds like you have made the best choice for your situation.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i just recently had a feeling that my boyfriend is a complusive liar and i feel like i should get him help but i dont know how to help him without him being angry that i don't trust him on anyting he says. please help if you can

-- Contributed by: katherine

My ex-husband is a compulsive liar. We were married for 12 years before I decided to get a divorce. We have two children (19,15). They hate to spend long hours with him because of his lying. I have learned to cut him off when he is lying and change the subject. I don't think there will ever be a cure for it.

-- Contributed by: Trice

Wanda,

It sounds like you have done the only thing you can in this situation. Your brother isn't going to change unless he chooses to and you need to get on with your own life.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

my brother has lied about me for years. i have desided i no longer can be part of his life. it seems as if he has his wife and kids thinking hes telling the truth and they tell storeys with him now.ive tried for 47years to live with this but as my mother says this is him hes done this all his life.its really sad on both sides of the family.

-- Contributed by: wanda

Eliza,

Confronting someone about their behavior does carry a certain degree of risk. She is probably feeling a lot of different emotions right now, and hopefully in time she will understand why you decided to call her on her behavior.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Just beware--I confronted my best friend who was/is a compulsive liar. She couldnt stand the heat, and left in anger (because her belief was that I betrayed her by exposing her). we havent talked since. so just be aware that confronting someone and revealing their lies can scare them and threaten their entire existence. This can very possibly make them disappear forever in an attempt to escape further exposure. If I had know this, I may have handled it differently.

-- Contributed by: eliza

Ian,

You really do have a lot going on, and right now is not the time to be making any major decisions. Make the appointment to see the counselor. If that person can't help you, then ask for a referral to a counselor who works on a sliding fee scale or one who will work out a payment plan.

It is possible to get trust back in a relationship, but it will take time and effort. If she has been badly hurt, she needs to work through her feelings of anger and betrayal before she can make good decisions about what she wants to do next.

Focus on getting help right now and let you wife know that you are committed to learning better patterns of behavior.

Take care.

Jodee Redmond, LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

In Love,

I understand that you will always care for this person, but life with a compulsive liar would not be easy. You will likely always have trust issues and a better bet for you may be to move on and find someone who doesn't have this kind of problem.

Jodee Redmond, LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

As of last night, my largest, most elaborate chain of lies unraveled in the face of my wife. I spend tremendous amounts of money on trivial things like soda or video games and mask the transactions as well as the bounty that I take for myself. I am not sure if I can be called a compulsive liar, because I still have a hand in the truth, and I can mostly differentiate between the truth and lies. Perhaps I am just a "slime ball". But having turned over my bank account passwords to my wife (yes, I had separate bank accounts that she was aware of) I don't think I have anymore overwhelming lies to hide.

I think I may have addictions to things that are bad for me that have a feel good effect. Video games, soda, and a few others that aren't detrimental to my health by themselves. At this point I am considering selling everything I have used to provide that feeling for myself. To my wife, however, all trust of anything I have told her has fled. I have never cheated on her, but she holds that suspect now. I have definitely violated the vows that we made less than a month ago. I love her, but she has every reason to doubt that. I apologize, but every time I say I'm sorry, it comes out like I'm only trying to hasten the process and save my own behind (I can't figure out to what extent I am trying to save my own behind).

This has been a chain of successive unraveling events, and my wife is out of patience with me. If she had the money to leave me, she would, at least for a few days. I am the only one bringing in the income to pay rent, utilities, food, for at least two more weeks. So she is trapped with a husband she hates right now.

I am going to be scheduling an appointment with a school councilor within the next week, and I'll have to consider the expense of a separate practitioner if the councilor is unable to help me. And part of me still doubts my sincerity, or how I'm going to pay for the councilor when I've already squadered so much, or if I should fund my wife and go live on the street. I no longer know how to take care of myself, and I definitely don't know how to take care of her. I know my behavior has "addiction" written all over it, but I can't name anything to which I'm addicted, and I'm scared that the answer might be "lying".

Thank you for reading.

-- Contributed by: Ian

I'm trying really hard to undrstand his problem. I pushed him way so hard I don't know if he will ever return. Despite of his imperfection,, I will always love him. I wish I could talk to him again to tell him I'm starting to understand. I would help him if he admits it and will let me.

-- Contributed by: in love with a liar

Jane:

If you are only telling him to make yourself feel better, maybe you should find a priest or a therapist to confide in. You may want to consult a therapist to help you move forward and learn how to be more truthful from now on.

Jodee Redmond, LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have been with my husband for for three years, and married for one of those. Everything I have told him about my past has been a lie, really bad lies. I want to tell him so bad, to ease myself, but I know it will kill him to know. I plan on telling him tonight, I am just scared to death he will hate me and leave. What do I do? I love him so much I never meant to hurt him

-- Contributed by: Jane

Sarah:

I would suggest that you see a therapist who can suggest an appropriate course of treatment for you. The therapist may be able to help you find a way to restore a relationship with your mother and help you get your relationship with your fiance back on track.

You can start with a visit to your doctor to get a complete physical and a referral to a qualified person.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I've been in a relationship with someone I love for almost 3 years now, and we're suposed to get married in September. I realized lately that I have a problem with habitual lying. When I confronted him with something I had hidden from him, I realized the seriousness of my problem. I'm not sure at this point whether the wedding will go on or not, but I do think I need help. I've already ruinedmy relationship with my mother because of it, and now possibly my fiance too. I think it may stem offof depression. I've had problems with it in the past.

-- Contributed by: Sarah

Hurtnlied2:

It sounds like you have been through a lot with this man. Your advice sounds solid, and I hope other people in a similar situation listen to it.

Jodee Redmond, LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have been lied to by my boyfriend so much that I can't make heads or tales of anything. He has seen other women but won't fess up unless I have proof. Then come the excuses and the blaming everyone else. The other woman, me, parents, family, myspace. There is no taking of responsibility. Seems he is stuck forever in denial. He has seen therapists and even been hypnotised but nothing as of yet has worked. I have two innocent children involved in this mess. If you meet one of these people...run as far and as fast as you can.

-- Contributed by: hurtnlied2

z4.invisionfree.com/liarslair

...a forum for people who just can't stop lying. awareness needs to be spread. this is a legitimate issue. if you have a problem with lying, join the site. post. help create a community that understands for those who aren't often understood. compulsive lying IS a very real mountain to climb.

z4.invisionfree.com/liarslair

-- Contributed by: x

Tired,

The first step is to admit that you have a problem and to ask for help. You can start be seeing your doctor and asking for a referral to a therapist. Good luck.

Jodee Redmond, LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i myself am a compulsive liar. i have hurt my husband whom i love dearly very much. i want to stop all the hurt i've caused. i do not want to lose this man. i have to stop immediately. i want to stop for him and for myself. i do not want to have to live under this burden of guilt anymore. it is tearing my family apart. i have been having some very low and dark thoughts lately. sometimes i feel that my family would be better off without me. but i am too selfish to give them up. my husband says that he wants to help me get better but he has a really hard time dealing with the lies. can you give us both some advice on what to do?

-- Contributed by: tired

Holly,

You can see a therapist who will help you develop some coping strategies to deal with your sister's behavior.

Jodee Redmond, LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i have a sister who Compulsively lies about things that are so small and insignificant, like "did you bring the phone down?" she says yes and clearly hasnt and she doesnt even see a problem or acknoleges she's even lied. you can even catch her doing it and she still says it wasnt her and gets very upset that you "blaming" her!! i cant stand to live with her. i need help!! please anyone got sergestions??

-- Contributed by: Holly

Amy,

Not necessarily. A person may be a compulsive liar and not have ADHD, bipolar disorder, or have any type of neurosis. The flip side to that situation is that a person could have any of these conditions AND be a compulsive liar as well.

Hope that helps.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

i was just wonder is someone is a cumpulsive liar does it mean they have bi polar disorder ,neurosis , or ADHD? . im confused

-- Contributed by: amy

John,

If counseling is not a option, can you start by going to see a doctor? Compulsive lying can be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder or bipolar disorder. It's possible that you have one of these conditions. In that case, you could be prescribed medication that may help with the lying.

It may help to think of the lying as a bad habit that you need to replace with a better one - telling the truth. It won't happen overnight, but if you can stop and think before you speak and focus on being truthful instead of doing what has (so far) come easily to you, you will see changes over time.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I've been a compulsive liar for as long as a can remember, and I dont know how to stop it. i have a good life, I have the self confidence now that I lacked when I was younger, but the lies keep on a coming out of my mouth. A big part of it is, I am good at it, and very very few people know or suspect the truth. If I come clean with my wife, she will leave me, and I live in an asian country where thereapy isnt an option. My biggest fear is that my son ever finds out the truth. Im a good person, I just can't seem to stop myself....

-- Contributed by: John

Taryn,

I would suggest that you start by making an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical. Tell the doctor about your concerns that you may have ADD so that you can be screened for that disorder. You should also tell the doctor that you are having a problem with compulsive lying and that you would like to be referred to a therapist who can help you understand why you are behaving this way and learn different patterns of behavior so that you can start being more truthful.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

please help me its becoming stoppable her name is taryn and she isnt listening to anything i say

-- Contributed by: loretta

Maera,

First of all, I want to commend you for having the courage to share your experienced with the readers here. From what you have described, it sounds like you used lying as a way to fit in. It was (and still is) important to you that other people think well of you.

The fact is that you don't have to tell anyone that you have ADD if you don't want them to know. You did share that information with a good friend who didn't react in the way you were afraid they would. The truth is that if you have ADD, you are in good company. It's a disorder that affects somewhere between 3-6 percent of the population. It seems to have a biological base, which means that you were born this way. It doesn't mean that you are doomed from birth, but it does mean that you have challenges that other people don't have. (Other people have different challenges instead.)

It is possible that you will always find it more difficult than other people do to avoid lying, but that doesn't mean that you can't learn better behavior patterns. If you are not seeing a therapist, please make an apointment to see someone about this issue. He or she can help you understand why you behave as you do and help you to change how you interact with other people.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

When I began writing this, I was going to tell you that I was a recovered compulsive liar. But I've realized within the past few minutes that it simply isn't the case. I've lied for as long as I can remember. When I was very small, I made up stories about an imaginary friend who was the person I wished I could be. While I would readily volunteer the information that my friend was imaginary, she was no less real to me. I truly believed the world I had made up. I had an unhappy childhood, though I acknowledge that by many standards, I have no reason to complain. My parents were (and are) wonderful. I was never abused. I always had enough to eat. But I always had a difficult time making friends. Other kids didn't like me; they teased and ignored me. I have a moderate to severe diagnosis of ADD, and it stunted my social skills. I couldn't follow a conversation, or judge whether or not I was behaving appropriately or making someone uncomfortable. Difficulty with reading facial expressions is a symptom of the disorder, apparently. I was diagnosed in the first grade, and was ashamed. My parents instructed me to never tell anyone, as if my peers couldn't figure it out for themselves. At this point, my lies were mostly just stories. I wasn't trying to convince anyone that I was describing real events. I had simply created an imaginary world for myself where I had friends and nobody picked on me. By 7th grade, that had changed. I was no longer medicated for ADD, and I believe that increased impulsiveness fostered the habit. I began embellishing stories and telling them to the few real friends I had made. I felt interesting for the first time. It escalated from there. I went to an out-of-the-way religious high school. I had a fresh start in mind. Being far away from home gave me the false security to lie without backlash (I thought). I started by changing my name. I asked to be called Maryanne, telling teachers that my very ethnic given name, Maera, was only a nickname. I hadnâ€™t thought it was a big deal, but my parents were devastated when they found out. My other lies, I believe, were intended to cover up mediocrity. For example I was a poorer than average soccer player, but I made the JV team and told wild stories of club teams in my home town and incredible athletic ability. I wanted to be talented. The next string of lies covered up things that I didnâ€™t wish to explain. Some scars that I have, of an origin which I didnâ€™t wish to disclose, developed elaborate back stories. I burst into tears after getting off the phone with my mother one day, and instead of telling my friends that she had grounded me from the trip to the water park after school (which would have been true), I said that a friend had died. Soon I had a world full of imaginary friends with exciting lives, both because I wanted attention and because I wanted people to think I had friends. I became addicted to pity. I even remember using makeup to create a bruise on my face for a week or so, and punching myself in the shoulder till I had a factual bruise there (partly, again, for attention, but also because I thought I deserved to feel pain.) I really started to believe all of these stories. I wept for imaginary friends facing perils which I had created for them. I developed violent mood swings after a fictional rape (this caused problems when I was truthfully date raped a couple years later). My lies became reflexive and increasingly outlandish. I loathed myself, and contemplated suicide. I punished myself when my daydreams drifted to my future, since I didnâ€™t expect to have one. I still have a hard time imagining things like my (upcoming) wedding and having children someday. Iâ€™m not sure when these lies faded out. It was certainly before Iâ€™d realized I had a problem. I think they decreased in frequency as my real life became more interesting and fulfilling. Or was it that I replaced the lies with another vice? I know I became easily obsessed with boys. I determined my own self-worth based on what they thought it was. I was overly eager to please and to be liked, and I have a handful of regrets. But I think I stopped lying during that time because the truth was wilder than fiction. I still lie more often than I would like to. Most of them are excuses. I have started medicating for ADD again, but Iâ€™m as determined to hide my diagnosis as I ever was. I did disclose my diagnosis to a good friend lately, and she exclaimed that it made sense and didnâ€™t judge me for it. But instead of being open about it with my classmates, I told them that I was taking medication for hypercholesterolemia, which I donâ€™t have. I was just terrified that they would guess that the pill was for ADD. I donâ€™t know why. But part of me actually believes now that I have hypercholesterolemia and sometimes I even eat appropriately. I site poor health as the reason for retaking several classes, when in reality itâ€™s the result of poor effort the first time around. But sometimes I lie for no reason at all. I lie about my nationality sometimes, which I donâ€™t understand. Iâ€™m really quite proud of my history, and no other background would be more interesting with the one I have, but I still have urges to say that Iâ€™m Portuguese or Argentine or Turkish, or whatever comes to mind. I wonder if itâ€™s because Iâ€™m bored with who I am? Once I even told someone that I have a significant hearing loss, even though I have very sensitive hearing and perfect pitch! What would motivate me to lie about something Iâ€™m proud of? Iâ€™ll take this time to apologize for the excessive length of my post. The fact is I thought I was practically cured, and I realize now that Iâ€™m not. This has been more of a stream-of-consciousness thing than the "keep your chin up, it can be done" type message that I was planning to write. Iâ€™m moving away soon and, like many others who have posted here, Iâ€™m engaged and I donâ€™t want to start my married life on the wrong foot. Iâ€™m trying to figure out why Iâ€™m so determined to be destructive. Was I born with a predisposition? I read above that compulsive liars have a higher white matter to gray matter ratio than people who donâ€™t lie. From what I was able to grasp in A&P, gray matter is composed of neurons and white matter is made up of myelinated axons, which connect the neurons. So there are more points of connection than actual neurons? How does this break down? Are we more creative? And why might it cause people to lie? Or does lying cause the change in composition? Was I doomed from birth, or did I doom myself? Many of us have said that weâ€™ve been lying since we were small.I personally can boast a larger than life imagination, and a propensity to get lost in it. I showed an early proclivity for believing whatever I choose to (which also includes blocking out painful memories). But if this is the way weâ€™re hardwired, can we ever truly overcome it? I want to change. We all do. Good luck and God Bless.

-- Contributed by: maera

Kelle,

Thank you for sharing your experience. Too many people think that compulsive liars lie just because they can or that they have no regret about what they have done. This is not the case. Please keep going to therapy to get the help you need. As you have pointed out, you have already done the bravest thing: you have admitted that you need help.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I would like to remain faceless because i do not know whether or not i am ready to fully face my horrid reality. I am a compulsive liar. I have been doing this since i can remember and i want to stop. I cant tell you how many times i have moved around to avoid the chance of ever getting caught up. I've said each time this time i won't lie and i will start out right and real and its like i must lie. I cant escape the lying and its hard to even try to act like i know what i am doing. Its like a drug. Most people think that people knowingly lie. I sometimes dont even understand my lies let alone whether i do it intentionally. I think that the only way a compulsive liar can escape the havoc they cause is to have someone who encourages them to feel safe and comfortable with who they are. I've been totally insecure about most things my whole life. Maybe this is a reason i feel the need to bend the truth. Therapy can help if you are really open to optimism and try hard to understand that they are there to help you and not judge you. Confronting this disorder is something that takes tons of heart and bravery. I'm seeking help now because the only way i can truely encourage others like me to see past the blindfold is to take my blindfold off. It will be a hard road but life is something to be remembered for the bumps we face not for the straight smooth road we go on...otherwise where would the adventure kick in. Thanks for listening

-- Contributed by: Kelle

Janice,

Before you decide to tell all about your life to your fiance, please stop and ask yourself whether this information will be helpful or hurtful to him. Everyone is entitled to some privacy about their life and if sharing details about your past is only going to cause him emotional distress, you may be better off not sharing it.

If you need help sorting out lies from reality, seeking the help of a therapist is a good approach. Then if you do decide to "come clean" the therapist can give you guidelines for sharing that information and support for the aftermath, if you need it.

Jodee Redmond

LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I lied to my fiance for years about my past. I grew up very sheltered and emotionally abused. I learned early on to fabricate stories about how "normal" my life was. I wasn't experienced when I met my fiance and even lied to him about that. I eventually came clean, but I started to believe some of my lies and now I can't even tell what is real and what isn't. Since coming clean, I haven't lied to him. But I feel dishonest because there are things that I lied about, situations, that are half truth and half fabricated... but the lines are all blurred. I am trying to contact people that were "involved" in my lie to ask them questions about the situation. I want to be sure that he has the full and complete truth before we are married. I know that he as been really hurt and I don't want to continue. I know that with him, I am safe and loved. I have nothing to cover up! My life is wonderful with him... and that is the truth.

-- Contributed by: janice

Linda,

Your son may have self-esteem issues, or he may be lying to cover up another problem. It doesn't sound as if he would be interested or ready to go to a therapist, but you might find it helpful to see one. The therapist can work with you to learn new ways of dealing with your son.

Jodee Redmond

LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have a 23 yr old son who lies all the time. He has even lost job and made his family believe for weeks that he was going to work. He lies about everything, gets angry if you questions him on anything (which tends to make us not say anything when we know he's lying), then the very next minute will move on to another subject. Consequences of being caught in a lie don't seem to effect him at all. He's also constantly trying to impress people....especially men. He keeps losing jobs (some good jobs) and we can't figure out why. He ALWAYS has an excuse.

-- Contributed by: linda

Layla,

It sounds like you have found that lying might seem to solve a problem at the time, but you have bigger problems when you are found out. If you are ready to make changes in your life, please find a therapist who can help you develop better patterns of behavior. You can start by asking for a referral from your doctor to get some help.

Jodee Redmond

LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Hi, Im 19 and my 1st lie told was that i passed a college course that i didnt, i did it because my boyfriend and my family expected me too pass and i was afraid id get called stupid ect, noting i ever do is good enough for my OH, my 2nd lie was that i had cancer this lasted for 18 months.......... i told this lie because i found out i was pregnant and my OH is 20 yrs older then me i knew he didnt want any more childeren and he might try make me abort my baby so the cancer was my excuse for hospital visits gettin fat ect............ my 3rd was that i had a 2 week job! I didnt because i want to bring my baby up before i go to work, my OH can be demanding and intimidating and i hate to argue with him, i hate beig shouted at, but recently hes found out all these lies and hates me!! which scares me even more!! HELP PLEASE.

-- Contributed by: layla

Wendy,

It's possible that this person is looking to get a reaction from the people she is lying to; that is her payoff for telling the lies. It's also possible that she is delusional as the result of being mentally ill. If she is delusional, then she really does believe the lies she is telling, and you won't be able to convince her otherwise. Either way, she is not going to change unless she gets some help; if you can't avoid her entirely, try to keep your contact with her to a minimum.

Jodee Redmond

LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

We go to a stable where their is a compulsive liar. She is a brickie, a nurse, a farrier, a paramedic etc. At first we humoured her or ignored her stories but hen they started to hurt people. It was as if she felt the need to weave more and more til she got a confrontation. She said she has cancer and takes meds and all sorts about us too. We confronted her and she was so convincing! how do you reason with someone who believes she is right and manages to blend the truth so it looks harmless? I just want to hit her and tell her where to go but thats only cos its so frustrating and she wont learn.

-- Contributed by: wendy

Mike,

Changing a long-standing pattern of behavior is not easy. You are to be be commended for facing your own demons. You may want to consider seeing a therapist to help you develop new ways of interacting with people.

Jodee Redmond

LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I am almost 40 years old and truly just admitted to myself and my fiance that I suffer from compulsive lying. I have known about it for years (since I was a child) but continued to hide it even from myself. What made it come to the light was being in a relationship with a deceptive person, finding out what it felt like to be cronically lied to was awfuland it made me face my own demons. I am trying to look at my own self esteem and "why I lie". This is very hard and I find that I am reinventing myself.

-- Contributed by: Mike

Shar,

I would suggest that you start by finding a therapist who can help you develop better patterns of behavior. The therapist will also be able to help you develop a plan for telling your friends that you have been lying to them and to ask them for their support while you work on the problem.

Jodee Redmond

LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

This past year ive realy noticed that i have a problem with lying.i lie 2 everyone including a friend who means everything 2 me.she doesent no the real me.ive lied about my past and lots of other things.im tangled up so much with years of lieing that i dont want my friends 2 leave if they find out ive been lieing. I dont even no where 2 start.any ideas r welcome

-- Contributed by: Shar

Anita,

I suspect that you are lying because you are getting some kind of a psychological payoff from doing it. You might be doing to get attention, to make yourself appear more cool to your peers, or for some other reason. Can you talk to an adult that you trust about this? If you don't feel that you can approach your parents, do you feel comfortable approaching a teacher, an older sibling, a school counselor, a minister or a priest?

It is possible to learn other, better patterns of behavior but you may need to see a therapist to learn these techniques. Please talk to an adult and tell them you want to get help and ask them to help you find it.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Hello, I am 15 and I seem to lie about EVERYTHING. I know it hurts the people around me and i hate what I'm doing. But its so much of the 'norm' for me I don't know how to stop. Please please if you have any advice for me i would love to hear it.

Thanks.

-- Contributed by: Anita

Angela,

While it is true that we do learn some patterns of behavior from our parents, that doesn't mean that we have no choice but to repeat them. If you want to learn new patterns of behavior, please consult with a therapist. You can get a referral from your doctor or a mental health agency in your area.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Libby,

Can you talk to your parents or your school counselor about what is going on? You may need to see a therapist to help you change this pattern of behavior. Please talk to an adult that you trust and ask them to help you get an appointment with a professional who can advise you about the best way to proceed.

Take care.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

My mother is a compulsive lier and being around her im starting to catch myself lieing.. I don't wanna become my mother.. I just got busted in one that just about destroyed my relationship. I don't wanna become my mother.. I have the best man in my life and I dont want to lose him because i am turning into my mother.. Can some one help me to make this chain break??

-- Contributed by: Angela

i have recently come to the conclusion that i am a compulsive liar. i am only 16 years old, and for the last 2 years of my life, i have lied about so many things. i knew it was a real problem when i lied to my best friends and told them i had cancer. it confused me, because i knew that i wasnt doing it for attention, but i didnt know why i was. for three days now, i have been thinking about the true answer rather than inecessary lies. i realize that i have a problem, and i am going to try my hardest to cure it. all i have to say is that being caught up in a big lie like that is definitely not worth it. now i am forced to rebuild almost 2 years of trust with my best friend, and i am so scared that she will never trust me again; but who can blame her? hopefully she finds it in her heart to give me another chance. but i'm glad that i am not the only person on this planet that has to deal with this disorder.

-- Contributed by: Libby

Hi Jo,

I think you are right to be concerned about the effect lying will have on your career and your finances. Given your family history, it's understandable that you would want to "create" a better family situation for yourself. Now that you are an adult, your situation has changed and you are at the point where you want to get out of this pattern. Please contact your doctor or local mental health agency to get a referral to a therapist.

Take care.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I too from a young age lied compulsively. I have tried ever so hard to stop but every so often, a lie gets out. Just recently, a loved ended the relationship we had, he found out the truth and wants me to go. I donâ€™t blame him, I know I deserve it. Iâ€™m at the stage of lying where I actually believe my own lies. Iâ€™m even thinking about lying right this minute, so that people who read this donâ€™t lower their opinions about me, but Iâ€™m not going to.

I think the reason why I lie so much is because I want to protect myself. Iâ€™ve never been happy with the way I grew up. From when I was a child, mother was hardly ever around and whenever she was, dad would always argue with her and they would fight all night long. As a result, I would spend a lot of time on my own in my bedroom and submerge myself in my own world full of magazines, news articles, pretty pictures of gorgeous catwalk models wearing the latest trends costing more than I would ever be able to afford and I think that was where it all started. At school later on in life, I became a total misfit, I was quite camp and people picked up on it and I would get bullied a lot of the time and it used to really get to me. I guess that this made me lie more because I wanted people at school to think I lead a better life than I did or they did and I never wanted dad to know I was getting bullied at school because I knew it would make him concerned and I didnâ€™t want to put extra pressure on him. I also didnâ€™t want him to know that I was gay either because he used to tell me that to be gay was wrong and to be a gay person meant that society would no longer be welcoming of you.

The difference the past made on me now has become quite apparent and especially with a good relationship that I had with someone coming to an end has really made me see that to lie to someone is a serious issue. To lead someone away from the truth intentionally is hardly a nice thing to do, even when it is to prevent their feelings being hurt. But its going to be hard I think, Iâ€™m at the stage of lying where I believe my own lies that I tell and I think that is something that I need to deal with before it gets me into trouble which involves my career and financial stability.

-- Contributed by: jo

Hi Gerry,

Some mental health professionals have suggested that compulsive lying is tied a personality disorder, such as Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder affects about two percent of the population and about one percent of people have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

For more information about BPD, please visit http://www.bpdcentral.com/resources/basics/main.shtml You can learn more about NPD at http://www.narcissistic-personality-disorder.com/faqs.htm

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have just confirmed that my partner of 10 years is a compulsive liar. He is a successful business person but his compulsion has restricted his ability to do better. He was recently brought unstuck and admitted it and has agreed to enter into psychotherapy. Unless he is 100% committed I can't see it working. I am cynical. I now understand he has feelings of inadequacy and has a morbid fear of confrontation. My life with him as I know it is a complete fake and unless he throws himself into this therapy then everything will implode. This is his last chance with me. I would like to see the statistics but I think more males suffer from this than females

-- Contributed by: Gerry

Hi Stephanie,

Your experience reminds me a bit of children a alcoholics who won't touch a drop of alcohol. Unfortunately, we can't turn back the clock and change things from our past but we can make better decisions going forward. It sounds like you are on a much better track now.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

From a young age till I was about 20 or so I lied compulsively. It was horrible and half the stuff was not even sense. I met other compulsive liars and >>I know this sounds weird but<< I did "acid" and saw a friends compulsive lying and knew I had the same problem and needed to fix it. I was 17 and I tried to stop. I had to punish myself by admitting that I was lying and I had no clue why right afterwards until I became someone that hates lies and tells the truth even when the truth is not appropriate. My parents were liars so I believe that may have been where I got it from but I know I could not help it unless I made myself help it. I reprogrammed myself. It makes me sad when I think about obvious lies I told.. Perhaps I wanted to pretend I had a normal family and not been in all the foster care. I wanted to be interesting and pretend I had wild affairs or whatever weird lies. Some lies were about what I did that day because I did not want anyone to know it was nothing. By practicing did I change some chemical make up??? I feel I changed the person I was totally. No one who knows me now would ever think I was like that. I get very upset when lied to. I was lied to my whole life and I do not stand for it ever. I would end a friendship over a lie now. I am 36 now. Ps. I do cut off a few years of my age when someone asks and I lie about my weight. ha-ha I would be interested and hearing how others have succeeded or accepted they needed to change things.

-- Contributed by: stephanie

Hi Joanne,

If this pattern of lying is well-established, then it will take some time before you can break it. You will need help to change your existing patterns of behavior into more positive ones. Please contact your doctor and make an appointment to get a referral to a counselor. Since you were raped, you may be able to get help through your local rape crisis center. Don't wait; find a counselor who can help you. Then tell your husband that you are going to get help and ask him to go with you for counseling. If he refuses to go, then you go anyway.

If you are still feeling like you want to harm yourself, please get help now. Go to the Emergency Room if you can't get in touch with your doctor.

Take care.

JC Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I am a compulsive liar who has lost everything. I was raped ten years ago and since then I have made up lies about everything just to get people to like me or to try and pretend that I was someone else or something like that I am not sure exactly why. I think I crave attention and love from people, especially my husband, whom I have now lost. He was trying to be as understanding as he could and I tried to stop lying and things got easier and better, but then I told another lie and wasn't even aware that I had done it and he has decide that he has had enough. quite rightly so but I never meant to hurt him I cannot help what I am doing. I am really trying to stop but after 10 years of being someone else it is hard to stop completely. We have 3 young children and another on the way and I am totally lost now and do not know where to turn. I feel like I would be better off dead then I would not be hurting anyone anymore. Please help me...... I love my husband very much and that is not a lie but how do I get him to believe me?

-- Contributed by: Joanne Martin

Hi Laila,

I can certainly understand that you are hurt, frustrated, and angry about your husband's pattern of lying. I wouldn't advise anyone to leave their marriage (that is a very personal decision), but I would suggest that you get some counseling. If your husband won't go, go yourself. A counselor can help you sort through your thoughts and feelings so you can make good choices about your situation.

Take care.

JC Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I think my husband is a compulsive liar not because he simply lies but because it comes out naturally from him exactly like your description of compulsive lying. I often ask him why he had to lie for something that wasn't a big deal such as telling my grandmother it was his birthday that's why we're going to his parents' home to celebrate. I really don't see any reason why he had wanted me to lie to my grandmother that it wasn't his birthday.

The problem is he doesn't admit he has a problem. I've been putting up with his lies for almost 6 years now and I'm really tired now. Is it time to bolt out of this relationship? I don't think there's hope he'll ever change and I've completely lost all trust in him, for that matter.

Warm regards, Laila

-- Contributed by: laila

Hi Scott,

The fact that you want help to change is a big step. Therapy can help you to "reprogram" yourself to deal with situations in a more positive way. Your family doctor can refer you to a therapist for treatment. You mentioned that you had tried going to church; another option is to contact the priest, minister, or pastor of your church and ask about counseling options available or a referral to an outside therapist. (Just because you have stumbled, as you said, it doesn't mean that you can't return to church and ask for help.)

JC Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I'm a compulsive liar i have lied about almost everything i am married have 4 children i was like this before i was married and still struggle with it, I feel a sense of fear everytime i have to answer to somebody, I am a very emotional person who takes things personally but blocks the pain out just the same and it has come to a point of critically destroying my marriage of 8 years and i do not know what steps to take, I took up Christianity and tried to give my life to Jesus but still stumbled and failed, i feel that it is almost impossible like that i need re programming of some sort. This is the first time i have asked for help. I always put the blame on myself when i mess up but still fail to rectify the issue. It makes my partner absolutely furious she thinks i'm a cheeter and all sorts of things when all it really is, is fear, it got me so so depressed i turned to the bottle to block out all thee real things that were effecting my life. I really need to do something about it soon because i will lose all the most preciouse things that mean so much which is my family. I just wish i could just switch it off and make it all go away and feel totally in control of the sistuation honestly without feeling insecutre and worring what others think. What can I do

Kind Regards Scott (Desperate for a solution)

-- Contributed by: Scott

Hi Louise,

I can understand that this situation is very worrisome for you. I would schedule an appointment for her with the family doctor for a complete physical and ask the doctor for a referral to a therapist. Be sure the doctor knows that your daughter has claimed to have a head injury and amnesia and that she has a history of lying about minor things.

Good Luck.

JC Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

My daughter has been lying for as long as I can remember, I just didn't know it. She lied about little things like who she danced with at a 5th grade dance and about turning in school assignments. I've only recently learned that if her mouth is open, she is probably lying. She lies without even being questioned about what she did at a certain activity. When confronted with her versions of the truth when her stories were checked out with reliable sources she sticks with her lie. I think she wants help. She claims to have fallen and gotten amnesia. She says she can't remember the last five weeks and she pulls it off very well. I know this is a lie, I think it was her attempt to go back to when things were easier before I knew of her lies and maybe start fresh. But the lies just keep coming. I worry about how this will affect all of her younger siblings who think she is so cool and mature. My husband and I are at odds on how to deal with her now and the stress is wearing on us both. Most of my waking hours and many of my sleeping hours, she occupies the majority of my thoughts and time. It is not fair to the rest of the family but what can I do?

-- Contributed by: louise

Hi Phoebe,

I understand that you feel hurt and disappointed in this man's behavior. I hope you keep in mind that his choices to lie had nothing to do with you. If you are finding it difficult to cope, please find someone you can talk to about your feelings. Do you have ongoing support as you recover from your addiction? Your family doctor can also refer you to a therapist, if necessary.

JC Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have just in the last few weeks found out that my teen daughter has been telling people at church and school that I am mean and cruel to her. it even caused two youth workers at our former church to try to mentor her and become surrogate parents to her.She evidently told them she had never loved me and had never wanted to live with me and that I am cruel and yell and scream at her all the time. It got so bad evidently that when we left their church these people came affter her and tried to ge ther- not me- back into their church. Yet not one person came to me and discussed this with me. Evidently it had been going on for three or so years.

She refuses to go to counselling and has told me that if I make her go she will tell the counsellor that I abuse her, which is not true and never was. I am terrified at what is happenning. I am afraid my child is horribly mentally ill. I just never picked up on this. I just noticed at church tha tpeople stopped talking to me and treated me very distantly. It makes me ill to think my own daughter knew all the time what was gfoing on as she was involved in it and I was in the dark. I feel like I am in a horror film and can't get out. I think my child actually beleives her lies and that frightens me as I cannot get thru to her.

-- Contributed by: margery

i got involved with a compulsive liar who was in another recovery fellowship with me and seen as a very respected member of that fellowship as he had over 20 years "clean time"

he told me the most amazing whoppers and i have been left in shock and extremely traumatised. He created a whole made up life about his job ( James Bond eat your heart out ) and i made it clear i didnt believe him. He kept telling me how madly in love he was with me and kept asking me not to hurt him or break his heart ! He was a terrible liar and kept tripping himself up all the time. I found out a week ago he is still with his so called ex partner. I have lost all trust and i feel very depressed. I am in my first year of recovery from an addiction and this has really set me back.

-- Contributed by: phoebe

Hi JPG,

I think you are right, it has to be a one day at at time thing. Sometimes, you need to take it one minute at a time. It's not going to be easy but you have a great attitude and a supportive partner. Keep your focus ahead of you and not on the past - it can't be changed. You can learn from your previous patterns and use that knowledge to make better choices going forward.

Good luck.

JC Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Hi, yes I am a complusive liar. Just today, I came to terms with my addition. First, I had to see it myself and then admit it to my partner. See has been supportive but tough and I would try hard to stop, but emotional past leave me with self esteem problems that I masked for a long time. You try to consume your self with good people to hide your illness, but it comes out and hurts the people you love and respect the most. You can't beat this illness on yur own, it must be a day by day and event by event and have courage in who you are and who you want to be and that is a real man with integrity. I am starting all over with new job, and just taking one day at a time. We can beat this illness, because we are all born with integrity but somewhere along the way we lost it. I will be working for the rest of my life to get it back.

JPG

-- Contributed by: JPG

David, you have already taken the first (and some would argue the most difficult) step - you have admitted that you have a problem. You are in counseling, which is exactly what you need to do to deal with it.

You have written, "I do not want to keep lying and I do not want my marriage to end." Have you told you wife this? I'd be willing to bet that she would appreciate hearing that from you. Keep your appointments with the counselors; through the counseling process, you will learn new and more effective patterns of behavior.

Take care.

JC Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I have a serious problem of lying. I am ashamed of the way I have made my relationship with my wife an absoloute hell for her. I know I have a problem and am in desperate need of help. I do not want to keep lying and I do not want my marriage to end. I am in counseling and I have another appointment with another psyciatrist in another week. If ther is anyoneout there that has an answer for a person like me please help.

-- Contributed by: David

Amy,

If your brother is unable to admit he has a problem, it's not likely he would consent to go for counselling right now. If the lying is a relatively new thing for him and you have always been close, can you find a time to talk to him about it? Start off by telling him that you have noticed that there have been some misunderstandings lately and you are wondering how he is doing. And then wait for him to respond. It may take more than one attempt to find out what is going on, but keep trying in a low-key manner to get him to open up.

Don't suggest seeing a therapist right away - he may well shut you out and stop listening. If it seems like he would be interested in speaking to someone, offer to help him find a therapist and/or take him to the appointment.

Good luck.

JC Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

I hope someone can help! I am sure my brother (19 years old) is a compulsive liar, he is always telling lies about anything and everything, but more recently he has been lying about things happening at home (mum + dad beating him up/ mum and dad have thrown him out/ etc) which i know for a fact has never happened plus he has no pain or bruises, etc. We have always been a very close and loving family, i cant understand why my brother is lying about these things! After reading up on compulsive lying it seems that the 'norm' is the lies make your life look better, so im even more confused as to why he is going down this line! We want to help him and are giving him as much support as we can, he wont accept he has a problem, and when confrunted about what he has said he says the other person has just made it up! The whole situation is really upsetting, especially for mum and dad who have always done all they can to give all of us a good start in life! I just dont know what to do next and would appreciate any advice! Please Help!

-- Contributed by: Amy

Hi...yep I guess I am a compulsive liar. Just recently came to terms with this. The way I have really tried to help myself is first trying to look at all the lies I could remember telling then try to figure out why I told them. Honestly, this excercise was to make me feel less guilty so I could focus better on solving the problem. Well, I picked the lies that I felt I needed to tell the truth about. So I did...I told my lover that I tried to get pregnant to put us back together which is something I never thought I would do...and I felt crazy for it.I never did get pregnant luckily. He stayed with me and I just have been thinking through what I say carefully. It's sad and very depressing at times...because deep down I know I am great but now I have to seperate the way I built myself up to people and who I really am and find things I like about that person. Oh it is very frustrating to have your friends think your a liar...because you know it takes a long time to build trust again and it will always be in the back on their minds. But when a new relationship comes your way try your hardest to be the person you ARE. Dont lookat yourself as a liar...look at lying as an obstacle you need to cross...fight it because its not part of you unles you let it in. Eventually I hope I will have found myself in a new light and wont have to dwell on this but for now I guess it is my punishment.

-- Contributed by: Amber

A person who is a compulsive liar needs to seek help from a psychologist or therapist. Behavior therapy or cognitive-behavior therapy is generally used to treat this type of problem. These treatment methods have proved to be very effective.

JC Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JC Redmond

Is there treatment program for peole with this disease?

-- Contributed by: John Hudson

When i was 16 years old my mom passed away and it really hurt I had to grow up really fast. I had a younger brother that i had to raise, my father tried but i don't think he knew what he was really doing, my mom did everything. I recently really hurt the person that i love the most by confessing to lies that i have told him and of course he was really upset. I was told at a very young age that lying was wrong but i still did it anyways and i don't know what i did it I can't explain maybe to impress people to believing who i am not. I am going to try and get some counselling to see if that will help but i am afraid of hurting the people that i care about the most again and i don't want to happen again because i know i will lose them. I know this is a major problem and i know i have to seek help which the first step is knowing that its a problem i really want to know how to stop!! Please help before i hurt more people!

-- Contributed by: Steph

Danny, I do not like to tell people what to do. It doesn't seem to work. If I have good advice people don't always take it. And I don't like being responsible for other's failures if they take my advice and things do not work out. But sometimes we know the truth, and in knowing that we have to speak it. The Devil is called a liar and the Father of it. In fact he is the source of lies. Jesus is "the True." The saying "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free" is from the Bible and refers to Jesus. If you want to be free from lying, then you need to know the Truth, Jesus. Ask Him to free you. If you want to know Bible verses that refer to what I am talking about I'd be glad to give them to you. I will pray for you tonight.

-- Contributed by: Rebecca

If you feel that your compulsive lying is interfering with your ability to maintain relationships, please consider working with a therapist to get through this problem. Your regular health care provider should be able to make referral for a therapist in your area. If you do not have medical insurance, ask about free clinics or those that accept payment on a sliding scale.

Dana Hinders

LoveToKnow Group Editor

-- Contributed by: Danahinders

when i was 14 my mam died and i found it hard, i got in relationships with the wrong people which did not help,i am now with someone who i want to spend my life with but have a problem,i am a compulsive liar and i am always hurting her!i am trying to stop but its the past lies that are catching me out,i have changed my life,been to counselling and things was good for me but the past is getting me!!i need help and if there is anyone out there that knows how to help,please tell me, i am willing to do want ever it takes,i know i have a problem which is the first step,this problem is ruining my life!

-- Contributed by: danny

I am a 22 year old compulsive liar I have lied constantly since I was young child. It has reached the stage where I can no longer control it and worse I find it hard to diffrentiate between what is true and what is not. My lies are so extreme and prolonged that I live many separate lifes with many different people where I find it a full-time job just to keep these people separate from each other. It has got to the stage where my stories are in so much depth that I cannot retract them just for the fear of losing the ones I love. I am a excellent liar where I keep track of everything that I say and to whom so no-one can see the contradictions. But I am fearful that I am slowly losing my true personality and history and the only logical way to deal with the debacle in my mind is to move away and start a new.

-- Contributed by: James

I have just ended a relationship with a compulsive liar about 10days ago. Well maybe I should say he did because he no longer answers my calls and has changed his number after I continuously confronted him about things not sounding right.

He lied from the beginning not only to me but I later found out to his closest friends. His stories sounded a little off in the beginning and it seemed like every week he had new drama.

- His car was hit by a drunk driver and was totalled. - His identity was stolen and could not get any credit to buy a new one. - He was in the reserves and was being called back to serve in IRAQ. - His mother and sister were in an accident in Europe and his mother suffered a stoke. His sister a broken leg. They couldnt send any money to help him out because they couldn't access their cash from abroad. - His paycheck got wet and could not cash the check. He had manipulated me into fronting money that he never paid back. Something always would happen to the check. Even a cashiers check from a real estate deal was not good one time. - He had a tumor in his stomach and had to have surgery. He said the onocologist was 70% sure it was not cancer. It wasnt and he had the surgery to remove the tumor. Since he lived in a different state it was hard for me to verify

I always told him his stories were like the twilight zone and dont add up and for him to tell me the truth.

Last month when I was on my way to see him to get the check he supposely had, he broke down on the phone crying saying he had lost his job a month ago and did not have any checks.

I later found out he was telling his friends that he and I worked for the same company and we both got laid off ... meanwhile he was telling me he worked for some other company. His friends had stopped dealing with him because things he said didnt add up.

I dont understand why were the lies so big. He had to know I would eventually find out. He didnt know how ridiculous he sounded.

-- Contributed by: dw

Christina,

Unfortunately, there is no easy cure for compulsive lying. If you suffer from depression or another mental health condition, seeking treatment for these issues may reduce the impulse to lie. Another alternative is to spend some time thinking about why you lie, how it feels when you're caught in a lie, and constructive ways you can boost your self-esteem without bending the truth. For example, finding a new hobby to share with your fiancÃ© may give you the confidence you need to kick the lying habit for good.

Dana Hinders

LoveToKnow Group Editor

-- Contributed by: Danahinders

I sometimes lie about little stupid things and it turns into one right after another then its huge and I hurt my fiance. I dont want to lie, I just do, any suggestions on how to change this terrible habit?

-- Contributed by: christina

Your comments helped me to understand even more why does my sister lies to much thanks for the honesty of your answers, really I suspected that she was to sensitive, and just telling her that what she does is wrong, just makes things worst, I have to learn how to deal with it, my sister lies for everything in a ridiculus way that anyone can tell that is a lie, so I was trying to find a way to deal with it, I will act different from now on, thanks.

-- Contributed by: Juan Carlos

I'm 18, i think im a compulsive liar. i confide in my boyfriend with what i've told people because i think it's funny but he realises that if i keep doing it i'm going to get into serious trouble with the people i care about most. he gets annpyed that i lie so much becasue he dosnt know whether or not im telling the truth to him. i lie because i want to get my own way, i'll to my boss at work because i want to do something liek go shoppping on a day im supposed to be working and say i'm visiting an ill friend or family member or going to a uni open day. i just can't help it, it's whatever slips out of my mouth first but no one ever picks up on it and they believe me so i want to lie more and more to get what i want, to my friends, family, people i don't even know and sometimes to myself. it gets quit hard because i have to remember what i said to each person so i dont foil my lies but i never slip up. ive been lying like this since i got my first job when i was 16 and since then it's just gotten worse and worse but no-one knows except me and my boyfriend. i do wish that i could be more upfront about things with people but all that comes out is lies :(

-- Contributed by: Natalie

I agree with Alexandra, when you lie so much it kind of consumes you, it becomes really bad to where you dont even realize that youre lying, but youre so used to blurting out the first thought it becomes a reality to you. I am a compulsive liar, it has ruined life long friendships, relationships with my family, my relationship with my boyfriend, and trust in the fact that I can be genuinely happy. Its difficult, the things we all have to go through sometimes become so bad that you feel the need to lie about whats really going on to avoid the whole fake "pity" complex that people send our way. Then from all of the bull sh*t that came out, we sort of think, "hey they didnt find out, so oh well, this works" but it always finds its way back to haunt you. No matter how small the white lie. Let me tell you, its not easy to discontinue your lying pattern, it could take years.

-- Contributed by: april

im a compulsive lier, and im only 17, to be honest, its true, living with one is hard,,, hey, i myself am finding it difficult to live life ,, heheh,, but honestly,,, compulsive liers have feelings to you know,,, why do you think we lie? its because were afraid to get hurt... were afraid to face reality... that we create our own world where we are who we want to be and are able to get what we want... we hide ourselves from the world to avoid getting hurt that we forget that doing this is hurting the ones we love,,, and as soon as we realize it... we get hurt even more and tend to lie to hide everything,,,, what we fear has already happend so the more we lie... all we want is to have what you have and to be who you are.. to live life normally.. i know im not making much sense,,, but try trading places with us and try to understand these feelings that we try to deal with everyday... maybe youll realize the difficulty of being a compulsive lier.. :(

-- Contributed by: alexandra
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